compassion.

hi friends. This is going to be long. Stuff is going to explode in my brain if I don't get it out. Stay with me. A hardened heart is probably one of the saddest things to me. Mostly because I have been there. if I see someone else going through it, someone I truly care about... it affects me in a huge way. I used to wonder what caused my heart to get so cold, so stale...and it was a ton of build up that never got dealt with. Years of lies, hurting others intentionally, looking for love in wrong people, temporary fixes, having bitterness live inside of me...my heart was corroding right before my eyes and I did nothing to stop it. Instead I did the opposite and continually fed it with more bitterness and lies until I became numb. Which lead to justification of my actions...which then lead to not taking responsibility and pushing blame onto others without feelings of remorse. What a horrible place i was in. I assure you one day you will find yourself alone and selfish, after carelessly burning every bridge you ever invested time into building. And THAT is when you deal with the path you have clearly demolished behind you...when you can openly admit I am a wreck, I need help.

There was this German pastor, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who was executed...but while he was in concentration camp he wrote something that changed my outlook on things and ultimately made me have more compassion for myself and others. "nothing that we despise in the other man is entirely absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don't do, and more in the light of what they suffer."

I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me...Did I choose to love?