12.28.2010

Cotton candy.

"Yeah, my brain is a crazy festival....it's either annoying to people and they want to leave or eventually they will figure it out and it can be fun for them. So you can tell me now if you want out of the carnival or I can give you some cotton candy and show you around!" -me

10.18.2010

Leave unsaid unspoken.



Too late, two choices.

To stay or to leave.

Mine was so easy to uncover,

He already left with the other.

So I learned to listen through silence.


Okay folks, let me confront something here that a lot of us do when our hearts feel a bit of aching inside. I think it is interesting but I have caught myself doing the same obvious thing. When something happens in a situation and we can't find ways to express it...we show it in small pieces on social media sites. This just seems silly, doesn't it? We act like we're being sly...or some of us are so obvious it's almost entertaining. Why the heck do we do this? Is it some kind of secret that we hope the other will decode? I choose to write about this because it has come up A LOT in different areas of my life recently. So this post is a giant bowl of mixed feelings about similar situations.

I know why we do it. MEMORIES. We cling on to the idea...the idea that things were great. The "what ifs?" The..."don't you understand what could have beens?!" We beat ourselves up about it until it leaks out in funny ways for all to see. Don't let things from your past interfere with the here and now...hold onto it like that last tight hug. cause when you cast it away...sometimes it's gone for good and you're left, once again, holding onto the "what if's and ideas" instead of the one thing you really desire. Why do you think we do it? I want to hear from those who sit back & laugh at it too...cause I used to be one of you:)

i've spent years writing on this blog, talking in code. For what reason? So people think I don't feel things...that I don't deal. Cause really, i don't deal correctly. I internalize...I act like nothing can phase me. I am trying a different approach now. SLLLLOOOOW process. Take a listen to this song...her voice is powerful and she says "we're peeing puddles of love"...which is awesome.

9.06.2010

8.28.2010

From a book I'm reading...

"Someone once said that you'll be the same person five years from now as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read. The idea is that you won't grow as a person unless you bring new (and hopefully positive) influence into your life. The alternative is to do what most people do - NOTHING. They rarely or never make new friends, seek out mentors, or build into the lives of others. They rarely or never read meaningful and enriching books and articles."

After reading this I want to challenge myself to do a few things:

1. read for fiteen minute every night before bed.

2. read at least one biography a year.

3. at the beginning of each year, choose a topic of interest and spend the next 12 months learning all i can about it.

4. read one book a MONTH. (one of them being "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie)

let's see if i can stick to it.

Annnnd now....a pic I took of my sister yesterday.

8.20.2010

If only for a minute.

I seriously cannot get enough of this....my fave is between 1:35-2:30. WATCH IT LOVE IT Thanks Danielle.



"take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like nobody's watching cause they're probably not. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is afterall gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things...down your back like a brook of blessings."

"go to the woods alone and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. go to an unfamiliar city...there are always statues to talk to. Give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute. Might have never happened had you not been there by yourself."

7.26.2010

Getting married? Look here.



VIEW MORE HERE

TO BOOK AN ENGAGEMENT OR WEDDING SESSION PLEASE EMAIL ME AT ASKSTEPH@IMSTEPH.COM

In the photos: Bri & Ronnie/Arica & Nate.

7.05.2010

Go cry about it why don't you?

Slow dancing in a burning room. How romantic. The imagery that plays in my mind when I hear this song is so detailed. Bare with me for a bit while i let my crazy fairytale brain take the wheel. I see a woman in a red dress with wavy brown hair. Her heels dangling in one hand. A man in a tux. His bow tie undone. They're the only ones left in a gigantic ballroom on a ship. Crystal chandeliers sparkling from the flames. The sprinklers come on as the man sings this song into the woman's ear. (sidenote: the woman's name is probably Collette haha) They hold each other wanting so badly to want each other...this is a familiar song that they've danced to before. They've memorized every line & every step...making eye contact as they whisper the line "can't seem to hold you like I want to..."

So strange that this made up scene plays in my head anytime I hear it. What a horrible song I've thought to myself...what is it about these poor people who seem to so desperately want to make this work that keeps them failing time and time again?

6.03.2010

Black Keys- Shot on a 7D.

The Black Keys - Tighten Up - Official Video from Chris Marrs Piliero on Vimeo.


Awesome new video...all shot on a 7D. Take a look and pass it around. I am so intrigued by people who make music videos...editing is so time consuming. I am determined to learn more about it.

6.02.2010

2010 is half way over. A picture update.

From Jan 2010- June 2010 i (in no particular order)....

Quit my day job...said goodbye to Hurley & said hello to a life outside of the cubicle...



Went to Europe for the first time (London, Wales, Ireland...) view more HERE






Was thankful for a fun group of friends in Long Beach...



Was once again thankful for a very supportive group of friends who helped me cause a ruckus at the airport over JetBlue stealing my camera. More HERE




Went to New York City to catch up with amazing friends & explore the city. More NYC HERE







Went to Stagecoach...more craziness HERE





Went on a Santa Monica/LA day trip & ate cheese and drank wine:)

5.30.2010

Heavier than I remember.

How is it possible to lay in my bed and have all 120 pounds of me feel so heavy?every heart beat is louder than i remember and I count them wondering when the day will come when that muscles decides it's had enough. What will I be feeling? Will I be happy? Will I feel incomplete...will things be left unresolved? Did I forgive? Did I love the little things that day? Did I even pray that day? Did I write that note to my parents so that actually knew the parts of me that kind of just went unnoticed? Did I fight more that day than I loved? All of these questions scattered in my brain make it impossible to get sleep tonight but somehow laying here with only my thumb moving to type these words into my iPhone feels ok. Some say they find out more about me on this blog than by talking to me in person...and to that I say all you have to do is listen more. There's something about coming home at the end of the day/night and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME...sounds like I'm in a dark dark place doesn't it? Emo Steph is coming out to play...and I'm figuring out how complicated and crazy I really am. I'm realizing things....

1. I don't do things people tell me to do. Sometimes I say I will but I think when you do that you secretly have a form of resentment building up. I do things on my own time and the way I feel is best and If I don't it's not genuine.

2. I love to love but I'm forgetting to love the little things in life and that is a dangerous thing.

3. I still believe that fighting under any circumstance can be avoided...but I'm starting to believe that I'm living in a fairlytale.

4. I'm learning to be more realistic and less idealistic and ill be honest...it makes the marrow in my bones feel a little weird. But I'm 27 now...and Santa isn't real.

5. Hiding things about yourself for the sake of other people's happiness is overrated...and after this summer I am done with it. Completely. Why not now? You may ask...well after doing it for 27 years...it's a slow process.

6. Don't over analyze this message, folks. Yes, I said folks...just check yourself...your heart. What have you done today to make someone's life a little more pleasant? BUT sometimes you have to ask yourself...what have I done to make my heart happy today? Goodnight.

4.09.2010

2000 pounds of brick.

"Desire nothing and you will never miss anything you don't have. Love no one and no one will have the power to hurt you by leaving you. Teach yourself not to love life too much and death will hold no terror for you"

This quote hit my heart like 2000 pounds of brick. We've all had our hearts injured by others. We've altered things about ourselves and the way we communicate and approach situations... usually based off of someone else (who probably isn't even around anymore). The easiest way to keep ourselves from experiencing heartache again is to protect our heart at all costs. Defend ourselves. Internalize and hide emotions. Eventually, shutting down. this is damaging in making things healthy in the here and now. Bringing leftovers to a new relationship is a recipe for disaster but it almost seems natural...you discover what you want and what you don't want from past experiences, if that new person doesn't live up to that or makes the same mistakes as someone before they are automatically in trouble because it's familiar to you.

We want them to be the good things from the past and work hard at not being the bad. At what cost?

i think i know the answer.

2.24.2010

2010 so far.



Can't believe it's almost March! This year has been so good....and it's only getting better. Take a look at the adventures I get to go on with my camera. I am so excited and so blessed to be doing what I love. Not only do I get to travel around the world but I get to interview one of my favourite musicians before her show. Sorry for all of the BC posts....it's pretty ridiculous, i know it. I love my friends and my family. I am also very cheesy. I am thankful for cereal. I am SO happy to have met the most amazing person ever and so grateful to have made amends with very important ones too. It warms my little heart so much. i still love maps and moustaches, black coffee and wearing 2 different kinds of socks inside out. Some things just never change. Looking forward to the next 7 months.

2.22.2010

that year.



So....i am sad to say that i think this new music video looks like a bunch of cheap screen savers floating behind a very talented musician. sad sad day. it had so much potential. I mean, there was the opening... which was awesome and the falling leaf...then stupid. deep lyrics ruined by a corny video. the end. what did you think?

2.09.2010

What a way to GO! My last days at Hurley.



THIS MADE ME A LITTLE EXTRA GIDDY TODAY (SEE BELOW). HAHA...I NEED TO START PREPARING. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS FOR BRANDI CARLILE PLEASE POST THEM HERE. THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE AWESOMENESS.

2.08.2010

All you need is LOVE?



Yep...a blog about that mushy love stuff.

Let's get some things out on the table here...from birth-2007 Valentine's Day had always been just another day. The idea of it made me romantical on the insides but it stopped at that...an idea. a fairy tale. Kinda like that wedding day of mine that I really never thought about. The extent of my wedding plans: me being certain that I wanted an evening wedding with hanging white lights. Then I'd move onto something else in my brain. ANYWAY... The last 2 Valentine's Days I have spent with different people...I am ready to spend this day with one person for the rest of my life. Is it ridiculous to think this nowadays? I was beginning to think so but now I am finding hope.

Some people say (I'm thinking specifically of Nicole Kidman singing on the elephant in Moulin Rouge) "ALL YOU NEED IS LOOOOOVE"...

Is this true? I say NO. I have definitely loved before...but it didn't last for one reason or another. So, no...that is false in my case. What does it really take then? To last a lifetime. I have my ideas but I am curious what you think. As for me, I will be spending the weekend in the snow at Lake Arrowhead watching this movie:)

1.29.2010

RESIGNATION.

Well‭, ‬for the 2‭ ‬of you that follow this blog‭.....Sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and go in a different direction. That time is now. ‬I handed in my letter of resignation this week‭. ‬Usually it's‭ ‬hard to quit a job that people refer to as‭ "‬the dream job‭"...‬where I make good money‭, ‬get hookups and meet celebrities‭. ‬I was definitely comfortable‭. ‬BUT come to find out‭, ‬it actually was easier than I thought and I can honestly say I have no fear at this‭ ‬point‭. ‬There are more important things to do with my time on this earth and NOW is the time to do it‭. ‬You have no idea just how‭ ‬excited I am‭. ‬I will keep this short‭...‬but stay tuned for more info‭. ‬If you need a photographer or a website designed‭...‬I'm your girl‭. ‬I have many side projects lined up and I am looking forward to finally turning over a new leaf‭. ‬

Last day at Hurley International‭: ‬02.10.10‭.

On the set of SLIDERS TV‭...‬production crew‭.



3 COMMENTS:

corykhill said...
First order of business now that you've quit the business. Come to India and help me design a website. They wont pay you, but it'll be AMAZING!
JANUARY 30, 2010 7:53 AM

bonnie m. said...
and then come to boston and be my roommate.
JANUARY 30, 2010 11:18 PM

steph said...
both sound like amazing offers!! seriously. I am so excited you have no idea<3

1.18.2010

Papa's 80th.

This weekend I went on a roadtrip with my family to visit the entire Grant family in Elk Grove, CA. I sure do miss them. I tried to document a majority of the trip. I am sure they were all getting annoyed with a camera in their faces, but I am sure the video will be with it. Here are a few screen shots from my weekend. Happy bday Papa. I <3 You.







1.16.2010

tradition: kicking the bread.

My family has been going to Spaghetti Factory since I was 5. It's tradition to sneak a loaf of bread out and kick it around for a bit. First video was from 5 years ago. 2nd video we took tonight. My mom decided to tell the waitress that I snuck the bread out and to go out and tell me I couldn't remove the bread from the restaurant. Sad.


kicking bread- 2005.

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video



kicking bread 2010.

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video

1.14.2010

twenty-somethings‭.



"‬People have enough to live‭, ‬but nothing to live for‭; ‬they have the means‭, ‬but no meaning‭.‬‮”‬‭ -‬Robert Fogel

Why are so many twenty-somethings quitting their jobs and hitting the road‭? ‬What are the common threads between us‭? ‬What binds us‭? ‬Is it a hunger for something more than a nine to five‭? ‬Is it the need to hear other peoples‮’‬‭ ‬stories to help us on our own path‭? ‬Are we realizing that security and comfort are merely societal constructs that‭, ‬in truth‭, ‬are holding us back from experiencing the passion of life‭? ‬

And what is the root of our discontent‭? ‬I believe it is a combination of our upbringing into a society that values money‭, ‬power‭,‬‭ ‬and success‭. ‬A society‭, ‬whose definition of success is so out of line with true happiness‭. ‬So what is the answer to our discontent‭? ‬I will take a leap here and say that ONE of the answers is to find fulfillment through helping and serving others‭, ‬rather than being so concerned about our own position in life‭. ‬I believe helping those in need fills us from the inside‭. ‬Are we recognizing the beauty in being laid off‭? ‬Are we realizing that maybe‭ - ‬just maybe‭ - ‬losing our jobs and our money was the best thing that could‮’‬ve ever happened to us‭? ‬

This is our revolution‭. ‬It‮’‬s a quiet and rather somber revolution on the outside‭, ‬but inside our stifling eight by eight cubicles‭, ‬we are screaming‭. ‬We are desperate for something more than what we were taught would make us happy.This is our call to action‭. ‬This is us giving ourselves permission to be free‭, ‬and in turn‭, ‬reconciling all of those who are searching for that same freedom‭. ‬

** ‬A BLOG WRITTEN BY MY GOOD FRIEND LAUREN‭ **

COMMENTS‭: ‬1 COMMENTS:

lauren said...
:) So happy for what you are doing and what you will do. <3 <3
JANUARY 31, 2010 5:38 AM

1.12.2010

there's gotta be something more.

Don't tell my work but it's 9:27am and I have done absolutely nothing today except‭:‬

1‭. ‬drink coffee‭ ‬
2‭. ‬eat lowfat blueberry muffin
3‭. ‬read blogs‭ ‬
4‭. ‬have intense conversations on facebook with complete strangers that make me think
5‭. ‬think about the future‭. ‬cultivating relationships/moving/helping others
6‭. ‬research new books‭ (‬by Daniel H‭. ‬Pink‭)‬
7‭. ‬about to pray before a work meeting
8‭. ‬drink more coffee
9‭. ‬zone out‭.‬
10‭. ‬fold a paper airplane

I can't focus because it all seems pointless‭. ‬I am making good money to sit in a cube to make money for a very successful company‭, ‬to gain status‭, ‬to make more money‭, ‬so that I can live comfortably and have nice things for myself‭. ‬When really all I want to‭ ‬do is something completely different‭. ‬hmm‭...‬keep following me‭. ‬Something is going to happen this year‭. ‬Just don't know when yet‭ ‬but It's time‭.‬

‭QUESTION OF THE DAY
‭ (‬I can't stop thinking about it‭...‬thanks Matt‭)‬

‭why do you think it is necessary to work in a mode that you are not passionate about in order to attain a lifestyle that you are passionate about‭? -‬Matthew Addington

1.06.2010

One of my "MUST DO BEFORE I DIE" things...



...WILL BE CHECKED OFF THE LIST IN MARCH 2010. What a great way to start out the new year....my first post of 2010. I am a long time fan of yep...you guessed it, Brandi Carlile. I've had this thing where I want to meet her haha. Well, I had this in my inbox when I got to work this morning! I think I will burn a disk of the photos/vid i took at her last show and maybe give them to her. Wow....I am still in shock and blown away. Haha don't have to explain to me who she is...I have been talking to Hurley about getting her in here for over a year! First Mat Kearney....next BC, fingers crossed.

Hope you had a great holiday!!

I'm sending you an album from Brandi Carlile -- she's an INCREDIBLE singer songwriter (think Johnny Cash meets Pasty Cline) who I've worked with since 2004. She just released a new album in October and will be back in the area on tour in March.

I'd love to have you come to her show at House of Blues Anaheim on March 13th. I would be happy to have you and a friend come by and get blown away by her rocking live performance. I’d like to have her do the Hurley.com performance at some point — once you see her you’ll be begging me to get her in!!

Be on the lookout for the album and let me know if you can make it to the show!!

Thanks