Joseph + Breianne | Huntington Beach, CA.

Sometimes I have ridiculously adorable clients who are so in love & big on romance. The love these two have for each other is inspiring. View more HERE. Very happy to have known Bri since she was 7. I'm old.

Ash + Tiff | Fort Worth, TX.

SEE MORE HERE.

I had the pleasure of taking these 2 lovely humans on a photo adventure for Vday. One of my favourite sessions so far. They are my very best friends and roommates. I ♥ them large amounts.

Ali + Chelsea | Deep Ellum, TX.

Started out w/ french toast & bourbon pecan coffee at Cafe Brazil...then went exploring in Deep Ellum. Lots of hugs and laughs to stay warm♥ To see more from Ali + Chelsea's Valentines Day session click HERE.

We get one story, you and I, and one story alone.

“And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.”

Hi friends of mine...near & far. This morning's blog post is simple but it's often those seemingly simple tasks that are the most difficult to do. I would encourage everyone...TELL YOUR STORY. let people get to know you...cry a little. be vulnerable. be real. make a connection. i have a big story to tell and today I am sitting down to tell it...not because it makes me comfortable but because it's the right thing to do. Many of you know that my "story" is all over social media...BUT that is the filtered story of Steph. I have spent years, countless hours and tears writing in these brown journals. Sure, I've kept this blog mostly for those things I am comfortable sharing with you. But who knows...maybe words on these beat up pages will stick to someones heart and make a small difference in how a person is treated. Nothing is more real to someone until it hits home. This is my story. This is my song. Stay tuned.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. -Donald Miller | Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

speechless over this music...

but you know I'll write anyway.


Seriously folks, there are just some nights where I sit in my room with low lighting, my big headphones on & search for new music....until I get THAT feeling. The one that makes me speechless. The one that makes my heart feel like a sack of mush...the music that makes me look forward to tomorrow more than I already did. The one that makes me feel lost but found all at the same time. That feeling that makes me want to hug someone. The feeling that makes me want to be alone...right here in this moment. Where the only thing that matters in life right now is this song. THAT feeling is one word...and I am searching for it.

Truth be told...I have fallin in love with music, with scenery, with feelings, with being alive...it's so easy. SO EASY. Many things in life come natural for me...others, not so much. Every day is a step closer to figuring out the unknown...little by little paint is added to the canvas of my life and soon I will understand & it will be beautiful.

Listen to the feeling behind what she is saying. Get lost in every expression. I want to reach out and grab what she's feeling inside...just once. Goodnight<3

in love.

i am not even joking. here's the thing...i LOVE bonnie raitt and usually i am not big on covers, but this one makes my heart ache and makes me want to cry for some reason. Probably because it's the morning and I am happy eating a warm blueberry muffin in my studio and drinking a cup of hot Foldgers coffee. Love is a crazy thing...it makes some write happy songs and some write songs that will leave your without your breath for awhile. I like what Adele said when writing her album...one song was about anger and frustration and the next was about giving in and letting her heart really deal with the issue. Music is my escape...music is my life.
<3

my new business...yep, I own a business!

Ladies & Gents please click HERE to visit & hopefully "like" TreeHouse Weddings. We like to take pictures of people in love.

Annnnddd....click HERE to see our most recent wedding in Orange County, CA. XoXo

a roadtrip to Cross Plains, TX.

To check out some truckstops & shoot a lovely wedding in a Baptist church. Click HERE to see more...

Getting married? Look here.

VIEW MORE HERE

TO BOOK AN ENGAGEMENT OR WEDDING SESSION PLEASE EMAIL ME AT ASKSTEPH@IMSTEPH.COM

In the photos: Bri & Ronnie/Arica & Nate.

Heavier than I remember.

How is it possible to lay in my bed and have all 120 pounds of me feel so heavy?every heart beat is louder than i remember and I count them wondering when the day will come when that muscles decides it's had enough. What will I be feeling? Will I be happy? Will I feel incomplete...will things be left unresolved? Did I forgive? Did I love the little things that day? Did I even pray that day? Did I write that note to my parents so that actually knew the parts of me that kind of just went unnoticed? Did I fight more that day than I loved? All of these questions scattered in my brain make it impossible to get sleep tonight but somehow laying here with only my thumb moving to type these words into my iPhone feels ok. Some say they find out more about me on this blog than by talking to me in person...and to that I say all you have to do is listen more. There's something about coming home at the end of the day/night and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME...sounds like I'm in a dark dark place doesn't it? Emo Steph is coming out to play...and I'm figuring out how complicated and crazy I really am. I'm realizing things....

1. I don't do things people tell me to do. Sometimes I say I will but I think when you do that you secretly have a form of resentment building up. I do things on my own time and the way I feel is best and If I don't it's not genuine.

2. I love to love but I'm forgetting to love the little things in life and that is a dangerous thing.

3. I still believe that fighting under any circumstance can be avoided...but I'm starting to believe that I'm living in a fairlytale.

4. I'm learning to be more realistic and less idealistic and ill be honest...it makes the marrow in my bones feel a little weird. But I'm 27 now...and Santa isn't real.

5. Hiding things about yourself for the sake of other people's happiness is overrated...and after this summer I am done with it. Completely. Why not now? You may ask...well after doing it for 27 years...it's a slow process.

6. Don't over analyze this message, folks. Yes, I said folks...just check yourself...your heart. What have you done today to make someone's life a little more pleasant? BUT sometimes you have to ask yourself...what have I done to make my heart happy today? Goodnight.

2000 pounds of brick.

"Desire nothing and you will never miss anything you don't have. Love no one and no one will have the power to hurt you by leaving you. Teach yourself not to love life too much and death will hold no terror for you"

This quote hit my heart like 2000 pounds of brick. We've all had our hearts injured by others. We've altered things about ourselves and the way we communicate and approach situations... usually based off of someone else (who probably isn't even around anymore). The easiest way to keep ourselves from experiencing heartache again is to protect our heart at all costs. Defend ourselves. Internalize and hide emotions. Eventually, shutting down. this is damaging in making things healthy in the here and now. Bringing leftovers to a new relationship is a recipe for disaster but it almost seems natural...you discover what you want and what you don't want from past experiences, if that new person doesn't live up to that or makes the same mistakes as someone before they are automatically in trouble because it's familiar to you.

We want them to be the good things from the past and work hard at not being the bad. At what cost?

i think i know the answer.

All you need is LOVE?

Yep...a blog about that mushy love stuff.

Let's get some things out on the table here...from birth-2007 Valentine's Day had always been just another day. The idea of it made me romantical on the insides but it stopped at that...an idea. a fairy tale. Kinda like that wedding day of mine that I really never thought about. The extent of my wedding plans: me being certain that I wanted an evening wedding with hanging white lights. Then I'd move onto something else in my brain. ANYWAY... The last 2 Valentine's Days I have spent with different people...I am ready to spend this day with one person for the rest of my life. Is it ridiculous to think this nowadays? I was beginning to think so but now I am finding hope.

Some people say (I'm thinking specifically of Nicole Kidman singing on the elephant in Moulin Rouge) "ALL YOU NEED IS LOOOOOVE"...

Is this true? I say NO. I have definitely loved before...but it didn't last for one reason or another. So, no...that is false in my case. What does it really take then? To last a lifetime. I have my ideas but I am curious what you think. As for me, I will be spending the weekend in the snow at Lake Arrowhead watching this movie:)

a blog from 2007. wow.

It dawned on me today while I was at work that I currently have a mild obsession with Planter's peanuts...lightly salted. I was talking to a group of friends the other day about relationships in general and the LOOOOVE word, and losing love. Me being the Steph that I am, i associate all things love with food. These peanuts were beyond magnificent. Isn't it funny that you forget how much you really love something until you don't have it for awhile...and then suddenly when you have the opportunity to partake in it once again you are reminded of all of the good feelings that run through your body, the sensations of it on your tastebuds...and you fall in love with it all over again. One of the greatest feelings, i'm sure. I speak from experience with a jar of peanuts in my hand.

BUT in talking to friends about their current situations. The underlying question is HOW do you keep from getting tired of these delicious Planter's dry roasted peanuts? You're afraid that in loving these salty treats so much that you will crave them repeatedly, fall in love with them, but then it will die off when it becomes routine, or perhaps when you needs something sweet. Eventually it could just get old or possibly one day you find a more palatable snack. How do you avoid the vicious circle of loving something so much that you crave it on a regular basis, to one day...having the excitement dwindle off? thoughts?

hm. interesting.

PS: i don't think i've had peanuts since 2007...see what i mean?

poison & wine.

this actually makes my heart ache....the lyrics, the expressions, the emotion, the way it's filmed, the angles, the pain, the fact that they know the other is so close... it is physically hurting them to keep their eyes off of each other. a song about contradictions. struggle. something sweet but something that will kill you. i love everything about this song/video and i can't get enough of it. it's because it makes me think....what is this really about? a couple having a hard time in their relationship...two people that can't be together for whatever reason but the passion is so strong it's almost palpable, or maybe they know it just isn't going to work out but they want it to so badly. the world may never know. i don't have a choice but i still choose you. i don't love you but i always will.

I'm like the wind in the canyon

I'm there then I'm gone in a second.

hi.

i feel like i should write. i can't sleep.

i'm sure i say this in every blog but it's crazy when you're alone how much you really learn about yourself. you're forced to be stuck with you and ONLY you. i suck as a human...i am not a good person. i have been told this once in my life (not counting myself). it's funny, out of all of the people in 26 years that have said i am a good person only one voice echoes in my head repeatedly...and it's really all that matters. Everytime I get on the fwy at Brookhurst and pass that light with the sticker on it, i cringe and play it in my head. Mostly, because it's true. partially because i am one for torturing myself. So....anyway, when i think SPECIFICALLY i would like to think that i am a pretty good person. but when i think relationships in GENERAL i look over the last 10 years...wow, disaster. big disasters. My life is an experiment in bad decisions in that area & only a handful of people know about this. Repeating history is when it becomes ridiculous...and i have definitely done that as well. I think it takes falling and completely messing up in order to really make changes. We all know that and we have all been there.

i was talking to a close friend of mine awhile back and picking myself apart with her. she said that she figured it out...she figured out why i kept getting myself into these familiar situations. Besides the fact that i am dumb haha. she said "people are drawn to you and away from what they have because of your passion...it ignites something inside of them and makes them realize things are stale. they ache for that intense passion that they remember they once had." ugh, yeah...passion is great and all but this was not a good thing for me to hear, because i LOVE connecting with other people like this. what she said definitely clicked. i have spent 10 years being in situations like this. putting myself there and sometimes finding myself there unexpectedly. now i recognize it clear as day. i know this because things pop up and i am tested...i actually have to shut my eyes tight and think about what is going on because my immediate reaction is to reach out, listen and help. i'm not always the one that needs to help...i'm realizing that sometimes i just can't be that person. like i said, i'm learning.

i have felt in the past like i am constantly having to look out for someone else...and make sure i am making decisions that are right for them, so that they aren't hurt. despite what some people may think i HATE hurting people. Even when I was the one being hurt I was still worried about the person who was hurting me. I kind of just wanted someone to look out for me for once...but i really am starting to believe that in the moment everyone is in it for themselves. All of us. I have been lied to and i have lied. Life is short...we lose people when we lie. we lose people when we put ourselves first....sometimes they come back around, sometimes seconds chances are handed out freely, sometimes you only get one chance. you take away the lessons and the memories and you hope and pray to God that someone was made to love you for the good and the bad.

"i want passion, the kind that tears your stomach out... the kind that takes you to that next level"

taking it back to the old school.

Gypsy Den with the Surfing50States boys.

sometimes i eat lunch at my desk because there's always something to research. Today I ended up going back in time and i stumbled across one of my old blogs. It's crazy...

1. how much I used to write on here

2. how busy and distracted I got.

3. how reading old words put you right back there in that moment in time and you remember EXACTLY what you were referring to.

4. how people that were a huge part of your life just aren't there anymore. Friends part ways, hearts are hurt, relationships damaged...learn something from every person and situation, love large amounts, and don't take anyone or any moment for granted.

If you have time take a gander at this...

the best part of waking up

CURRENT SONG: Even Born Again- Sarah Jaffe

can't wait for this!

every little thing about this trailer makes my heart do the happy dance!

from the month of July.

sometimes i feel like my entire life is spiraling out of control. tonight i lost someone..but tonight i helped someone out. they got their life back. i feel like all i do is invest in things only to sink low into my worn out seat in the front row to watch them shatter. most of the time it's my own damn fault...but i recall a time where i couldn't breathe and choked back the tears... tears you only cry when you've had your heart demolished. i am sure you know it well. i shake my head with my eyes closed tightly as i wait for that familiar blow to the gut.

i fall fast.
i love hard. before the love is gone.
i hit hard.
i mend slowly. and my heart aches quite terribly.
every step of the way.

i used to say i only trust myself but now even that's getting hard.

you think this is about you. you have no idea.

8/30/09 hmm...i came across this in my old journal. no matter how many mistakes i have made over the years...i know that i was loving, living and learning. life is good...it takes us by surprise.

baby hippo reunites with mother haha

perfect for a night like tonight. god is love.

some things are better left unsaid.

"we sat there in silence and let the music speak to us....some things are better left unsaid."

SO. i have been writing a stupid amount. Mostly because a fat man has been sitting on my chest and told me he won't get off until I get some things worked out. Unanswered questions...unresolved feelings...these will stay with me until I release them. Releasing it is the hardest because I immediately want to torture myself in various ways.

More than ever I feel the need to be transparent...like an opacity of 20% in photoshop. I am realizing more and more that trusting others with anything is a huge risk...trusting myself is difficult because you just never know what anyone is capable of. On one hand I would say that people are pretty predictable...on the other hand, you give someone the benefit of the doubt and that is when they end up hurting you...seems to be every man for himself. be selfish. get what you want from people and don't rest until you get it. live on the edge...live in the moment, fly by the seat of your pants...don't overthink...just be honest. The second you are honest with one person you might be forced to lie to another. Feelings are feelings...sometimes they're undeniable and consume every part of you. I would be lying if I said it was easy for me to control my feelings. That it was easy to have that "mind over matter" mentality...sometimes your body and heart just react BUT...following through with those feelings can lead down a path of destruction, for you and for others. You have to try to look ahead a few steps to see what kind of path you're taking and make decisions accordingly. If we don't stumble and fall flat on our face we will never have those experiences to grow from....those mistakes shape us into who we are.

Recognizing that you've made mistakes after the fact is one thing...but knowing you were messing up the entire time even though things felt right, well that's a different story. Why do we continue in things when we know that they cause hurt and pain to others in our lives? I don't know but I am pretty sure we have all done it at some point. I know that I have had it happen to me and I have been at fault as well. Gather the shattered pieces or your heart and keep moving forward.

Currently listening to: Bat For Lashes.