8.31.2009

can't wait for this!

every little thing about this trailer makes my heart do the happy dance!

8.30.2009

from the month of July.

sometimes i feel like my entire life is spiraling out of control. tonight i lost someone..but tonight i helped someone out. they got their life back. i feel like all i do is invest in things only to sink low into my worn out seat in the front row to watch them shatter. most of the time it's my own damn fault...but i recall a time where i couldn't breathe and choked back the tears... tears you only cry when you've had your heart demolished. i am sure you know it well. i shake my head with my eyes closed tightly as i wait for that familiar blow to the gut.

i fall fast.
i love hard. before the love is gone.
i hit hard.
i mend slowly. and my heart aches quite terribly.
every step of the way.

i used to say i only trust myself but now even that's getting hard.

you think this is about you. you have no idea.

8/30/09 hmm...i came across this in my old journal. no matter how many mistakes i have made over the years...i know that i was loving, living and learning. life is good...it takes us by surprise.

8.22.2009

catch up & fries with Steph.

"i've been friends with steph for years and i don't really know her that well..."

i thrive off of the group settings rather than the one on one stuff. Always have. Why am I like this? Easy. if I am in a one on one situation with another person they are more than likely going to get to know me...although I usually do my best to avoid talking about myself. I have a way of steering the conversation towards them without them even knowing it...people LOVE talking about themselves so it's not that difficult. on occasion i find a few friends who do want to get to know the softer side of steph and it takes awhile for me to warm up. That whole talking about myself, my past, my future and eventually my heart...i'm still getting used to it. Groups are safe. it seems that i only allow certain people in but what makes those people special? i doubt i'll ever know. There are very few i have found in my life that right off the bat i have had a strong connection with and they have a hard time shutting me up. Those people intruige me...because there's something about them that draws me in and brings something out in me...i can't get enough of it. i don't let just anyone ride my scooter.

8.17.2009

when my insides do flips.

"Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul and then walks grinning in the funeral." -Kahlil Gibran

i would expand with my own thoughts and feelings but there is no need. this has started a fire in my soul. ouch.

8.13.2009

i have a lot to say.

just not enough time to say it all. one day i will pour out my heart on here. until then...mat kearney is making my day. thanks g love.

the world is too big to never ask why
the answers don’t fall straight out of the sky
i’m fighting to live and feel alive
but i can’t feel a thing without you by my side
send me out a lifeline

you’re watching everyone you ever belonged to
walk away from you
maybe all along you’ve been running from the truth

there’s nothing i would change, i’d give it all away
for you again and again and over again