a letter from Mama...

Getting this email this morning made me happy. i see where i get it from...she asked for coffee for Christmas.

Good Morning Steph:

The sun is shining this morning but it is really FROSTY outside - was
supposed to get down in the 20's last night!! BRRRR! I raised the blinds
to let the sun in and give us some warmth and turned the furnace on too.
Yesterday and last night we had a fire in the fireplace.

Thanks for your email from a few days ago. That will give me some Christmas
ideas for you. You asked about ideas for Papa and I.........well Papa can
use some Old Spice Aftershave (not cologne) in the classic/original
fragrance. He doesn't like the newer fragrance - I think it says "fresh" or
something like that. I wouldn't mind getting some "Dunkin' Donuts
Coffee" - that is soooooo good! Or some of that clear kind of bar soap that
Bath & Body sells in Cherry Blossom or Plumeria.

I finally got a little baking done the other day -- 2 batches of cookies and
some date nut bread and a little over a week ago got my fudge made, but
that's all. I may make some pumpkin bread. Not sure about Christmas but
will probably be here.

Well, I guess I'd better get busy. I've got some things I should to do in
my craft room today. Hope you have a good day.
Love,
Mama xxoo

Photographs that made me smile today...

Vancouver: one day I hope to visit here...


I get to take a work trip to Orlando, FL and Disneyworld next month. I am pretty excited.


photos: Stuck in Customs...definitely my favourite photographer.

listen to your brain..follow your heart.

"sometimes your heart sneaks out before your brain can catch it..." -a wise friend of mine

Are our brains constantly keeping our hearts in check? The brain reminds the heart of the past, the pain we've faced in broken relationships, and the hurt we may have caused others. Hearts are forgiving by nature but brains hold on to things and talk sense into us when it feels the heart is being exposed prematurely. When our hearts so desperately want to forgive, let go and love...our brain tells us to proceed with caution. Although the brain can warn and protect the heart it cannot dictate what the heart is feeling. sometimes you are so completely overwhelmed with genuine love for a person that little things slip past so quickly the brain can barely process what happened. It's the little pieces of the heart that slip through that we need to grasp on to...the words that are spoken without fear or hesitation, they are raw...innocent and in their purest form. Take them and tuck them away...those words are rare.

Case Study part 1.

Introduction to my case study:

I have decided to jot down notes on a daily basis of weird things that happen involving a certain coworker of mine. Today I laughed so hard... just thinking about how amazing the blog was going to be. And so it begins...my newest case study. Enjoy. ~Steph.

11:01:45- he finds a dead cockroach (very stiff) on the mouse of his work computer. Trying to retaliate with a practical joke of his own...he contemplates putting it in our tin of holiday cookies ruining it for our entire department. Another coworker tells him "that is unacceptable."

2:44:22- randomly says out loud that he is "in love with vaginas"

4:00:12- he plays with a 5 year old's hippopotamus toy for a good 10 minutes until another coworker tells him that "they had enough" and "he got the point."

4:17:17- he spits out a white cheddar cheesepuff (left on his desk by coworkers) after we convince him it is a styrofoam packing peanut. Smiles and walks away leaving the chewed puff on the ground in our dept.

4:30:12- he picks up a new cheesepuff (still thinking it's a styrofoam peanut) and says, "hey guys, what does this look like?!" when clearly, it was shaped like a penis. He ripped off a portion of it and said that "he removed the foreskin" and was "shaping it" it's been 5 minutes and he is still holding the cheesepuff in his hand and said "why am i so fascinated with this? I have to go show _____!" then he walks out of the room.

4:43:43- "i knew it smelled like cheese! see they are cheese things!" (as he proudly displays the bag of cheese puffs)

4:49:05- he (with a scary smile and determined look on his face) asks "do you have tape, wheres the tape?" while another coworker tells him to "stop getting so into it". Using the two objects that have caused so many laughs previous, creates a Hippo toy with a man penis (from the styrofoam cheese dust goodness)

5:01:43- he says "i want to shoot these individually" (the cheesepuff and hippopotamus) "and photoshop them together so i can put it as my profile picture on myspace."

an empty cathedral.

That night, every phrase that fell from her mouth dripped with rich, languid tones. Words swayed back and forth in her mind.... teasing one another before taking shape. She chose each word carefully...delicately, as if it would shatter into dust if she were careless in the way that she handled it. Just one word could damage the path of an entire future. Her eyes met mine. the hesitation behind them was palpable and bittersweet. My heart ached in silence for her...as my chest became an empty cathedral full of mixed emotions and echoing throbs. Then it hit me... everyday we wake up with a choice. A choice to grab what is ours and to hold onto it tightly. I pushed out my chair and walked away with a crooked grin. Her arms were full, and so were mine.

when your own words fail...

...use someone else's.

this photograph makes me happy and a picture's worth a thousand words.

Happiness-The Fray (from their new CD that comes out Feb.09)

Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s probably enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home

my secret spot.

I was saving this place for someone special. I have passed it by every night on the way home from work for over a year. I had always thought about pulling over but just convinced myself to wait until i could share it with someone who was important to me. I was on the phone with my friend when she convinced me to pull over for myself. the sun was setting and before i could talk myself out of it, i pulled off...got out, and enjoyed the view while describing to her what it was like to be standing on the edge of a cliff looking at the ocean and smoke stacks. doing things for myself...hmmm, it's a new thing for me, but it felt good.

cloudy days and John Mayer.

watch the entire video, it's amazing.

Wherever I go,
Whatever I do,
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you.
Wherever you go,
Wherever you are,
I watch your life play out in pictures from afar.

Wherever I go,
Whatever I do,
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you.
Wherever you go,
Wherever you are,
I watch that pretty life play out in pictures from afar.




John Mayer In Your Atmosphere:

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't know what it's like to land
and not race to your door
But I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'm not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to a hotel key
in your bedroom neighborhood
With me sleep walking in Hollywood

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there
So I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/flZ ]
I dont think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
Get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me
I love you, take a right
The ten and the two is a lonely sight

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there, see you there

I think I'm gonna stay gonna stay,
gonna stay in the grey, think i'm
gonna stay
All the street lights say nevermind nevermind
All the canyon lines say nevermind
Sunset says we see this all the time,
nevermind never you mind

the core.

growing pains of the heart...one of life's most confusing events. It affects you at your core. You have a choice...make the most of the time you have, or drown in your confusion. Follow your heart...it's the compass of your entire being.


current song: All I Ever Wanted- Train

NYC from an iPhone.

more photos from my camera will be added soon. until then, enjoy the pics taken from our iPhones.

a blog from bed.

there's something so great about walking outside to the backyard and not hearing a sound. I waited out there for several minutes looking at the stars, waiting for something...anything. Everyday is so loud at home...I wake up to car horns and traffic on the 405 right outside my window. I fall asleep to the buzz of the telephone wires and people having arguments on the main street with their car windows rolled down. It felt good to take a break from that routine. Last night the rain fell so hard I thought it would come through the roof. The thunderstorm and Van Morrison on the radio... the perfect sounds at that moment.

roadtrip!!

i love it when photographs make me want to go on a roadtrip through the countryside. i need to smell sagebrush and count water towers. maybe it's time to get out of the city for awhile...i think i will.

photo by: Eugenio Recuenco

music that moves me

i feel this album in my bone marrow. every song. here is a preview...

the winter's marked the earth
it's floored with frozen glass
you slip into my arms
and you quickly correct yourself

your freezing speech bubbles
seem to hold your words aloft
i want the smoky clouds of laughter
to swim about me forever more

I will race you to the waterside
and from the edge of Ireland shout out loud
so they could hear it in america
it's all for you

the shells crack under our shoes
like punctuation points
the planets bend between us
and a hundred million suns and stars

the sea filled with silence
before you said those words
and now even in the darkness
i can see how happy you are.

a great quote.

"giving yourself over to someone else...
defending yourself until finally you surrender
and feel heaven break over you"

vinyl, accordions, and martinis...

Stage lights danced freely within the crevices of the ceiling's architectural curves as the music repeatedly had it's way with my soul. It was out of my hands...I had a healthy buzz and a hungry heart...a recipe for the sweetest disaster. Sure enough, my mind escaped as I closed my eyes. from his lips came raspy, echoing words-forever a permanent fixture in my mind. That concert was amazing...correction, the word amazing does not do it justice. Leona Naess came as a pleasant surprise..we walked in not knowing the opening musician. the song "Ballerina" has always been one of my favourites... we walked away thoroughly impressed by every single one of her songs. Ray LaMontagne captivates the audience in a gentle way...you find yourself studying the shape of his rugged face with each crescendoed phrase. After the show we decided to cut through the Enchanted Forrest of Los Angeles. Wet grass and pine needles under the tallest trees. I took off my Houndstooth high heels and we started running and singing. I enjoyed the beauty in that moment and the sap on my bare feet. Wish you were there. Photos courtesy of TA and iPhones. Goodnight!

Behind the Jeans.

people always knew when she had an interesting night. her hair was bigger than usual and her reading glasses always fell to the very tip of her nose before she pushed the corner of them up with her middle finger. Usually she pushed them up when they got halfway. she sipped her coffee more frequently on days like today...almost gulping, as if it were a cantine of water in the sahara. If you listened closely you could hear the jingling sound of her silver rings making their way up and down her finger...guided gently by her thumb. Below her desk was a small pile of denim strings...everyone always wondered about those jeans of hers, seemed like every hole had an interesting story.

a late night quote.

"Someone made up all of these stupid titles and all I really want to do is love someone"

i never have understood all of the relationship titles. we're "seeing each other". Does that mean you are also seeing other people as well? sure you are unless you do not have sight. we're "together"...well, yeah...that's comforting and sweet. Does that mean you are committed to one another, in love...loyal, honest? At what point do things become offical, and what title is that...marriage? courting? When did relationships become selfish and non-committal? While I was on this last work trip I had a few conversations with girls that had just been broken up with after 3 and 4 year relationships. they thought it would end in marriage...they had discussed houses, family etc. I wonder what their titles were..."dating" i think...just seems like a loose and flipant term that can be destroyed at any point when someone needs space. If you need "space" from someone after 4 years odds are that you will eventually need a break later on down the road too. When did we stop working on things, sitting down and really dissecting issues that come up...figuring out a plan to better the relationship. Instead, it is easier to just back off...because after all, it's just a title that is easily broken. hmmm i am thinking that i will have to invent my own title in order for it to genuinely mean something to myself and the person I am with. interesting.

A wine so sweet is the taste of your mouth...

San Francisco from an iPhone. just got home a little while ago and crashed on the couch. I always take home distinct memories from trips...i shove them deep into my pockets. I tried to capture them on my phone but they didn't turn out as well as my brain pictures. One moment I didn't get to catch was from this morning...driving on the Golden Gate bridge with 5 friends smooshed in the the backseat of a taxi cab. our arms around each other, heads heavy on shoulders from exhaustion... hair blowing in every direction. It was crisp. A soft song played in the background and the wind from the bay made our cheeks cold. i know, at that very moment, i closed my eyes and was happy for so many reasons.







Oh roses and cigarettes
Pillow case that remembers you
the scent of you still lingers on my fingertips
Till I think I might go insane
When will I see you again

-Ray LaMontagne

above the clouds...

i spend a lot of time above the clouds...i just got off of an airplane yesterday and will be back on one first thing tomorrow morning. Only to be back on one again in hmm 17 days. I spent time on my last flight looking out the window at the clouds...i sat there in awe for a good 15 minutes with my head propped up against my hand. I wondered if people thought about clouds as much as i do.... i thought of everything they remind me of, then got distracted by a portion of the wing that seemed to be coming loose. My thought process is wild and my imagination gets the best of me a majority of the time.

Anyway, i fly to san fran tomorrow morning for work...i'm shooting a hurley launch party at a club called Club 6ix and staying at Hotel Triton. There will be mobile updates on my facebook so make sure to check them out. I just downloaded Ray LaMontagne's newest CD and am about to light a candle and pack. I bought mittens today for my new york trip...God knows I don't need them here, it's supposed to be 91 tomorrow in HB. ew sick.