an excerpt from my faithful companion...my old brown leather journal. I needed to read this tonight. i needed to cry. i have yet to write a blog entry where i need to blink to clear the tears from the cusp of my eye. It feels better after a good cry (besides looking like I got ran over by an 18 wheeler the next day). i think i seriously have a problem with the act of crying...it doesn't always happen at the correct time. I will tear up during a good song/concert, or a great fall scenery, a friend's art portfolio, or somewhere where the atmosphere is amazing and happiness is palpable. When it comes to dealing with myself however, i CAN'T cry. It gets trapped inside...bottled up until it's shaken up like a sody pop and explodes. Somewhere I started internalizing when things got rough. First reaction is to buck up...to be okay, to get through it and move on before anyone realizes you're down...because that's just what steph does. She's independent and strong and can conquer anything. False. It always catches up with you.
Sometimes we need to be reminded of our feelings.
08.02.07
"I love writing , once i start I can't stop...it's exactly like dancing. I actually crave it now. There's something about ink on blank paper...my heart on paper. Maybe one day when I have perished someone will get ahold of this leather journal and realize that Steph loved, Steph was loved...she laughed and made a spectacle of herself. Passion stirred deep down in her soul and was fueled by the little things in life. I hope people around me know that they are important to me and I wouldn't be who I am today without their input into my life (negative or positive) it was all a lesson learned..."
time to start writing again.
4 comments:
to acknowledge our feelings. to confess to ourselves lessons learned. to stand in amazement of where we've been, where we're going and the growth we have witnessed. to let emotion wash over us and to respect the ebb and flow. this is to feel alive.
I love and at the same time am jealous of your honesty. When you do let your guard down your transparency is beautiful. Don't ever stop writing what you're really truly feeling. It makes me cry and I like it too.
i talked about crying today. hasn't been once this year. and was only twice for the second half of last year (no need to bring up the first half). let's find something to cry about tomorrow over coffee and oatmeal! <3
i really am beginning to believe that i am part robot...
yeah i go months and months sometimes a year without even sobbing. Sheesh, that can't be right. But then it hits me...and i have to get a whole toilet paper roll and practically wrap it around my face.
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