Leave unsaid unspoken.

Too late, two choices.

To stay or to leave.

Mine was so easy to uncover,

He already left with the other.

So I learned to listen through silence.

Okay folks, let me confront something here that a lot of us do when our hearts feel a bit of aching inside. I think it is interesting but I have caught myself doing the same obvious thing. When something happens in a situation and we can't find ways to express it...we show it in small pieces on social media sites. This just seems silly, doesn't it? We act like we're being sly...or some of us are so obvious it's almost entertaining. Why the heck do we do this? Is it some kind of secret that we hope the other will decode? I choose to write about this because it has come up A LOT in different areas of my life recently. So this post is a giant bowl of mixed feelings about similar situations.

I know why we do it. MEMORIES. We cling on to the idea...the idea that things were great. The "what ifs?" The..."don't you understand what could have beens?!" We beat ourselves up about it until it leaks out in funny ways for all to see. Don't let things from your past interfere with the here and now...hold onto it like that last tight hug. cause when you cast it away...sometimes it's gone for good and you're left, once again, holding onto the "what if's and ideas" instead of the one thing you really desire. Why do you think we do it? I want to hear from those who sit back & laugh at it too...cause I used to be one of you:)

i've spent years writing on this blog, talking in code. For what reason? So people think I don't feel things...that I don't deal. Cause really, i don't deal correctly. I internalize...I act like nothing can phase me. I am trying a different approach now. SLLLLOOOOW process. Take a listen to this song...her voice is powerful and she says "we're peeing puddles of love"...which is awesome.

Honeymoon.

i LOVE this commercial. Well done Subaru...love your work.

From a book I'm reading...

"Someone once said that you'll be the same person five years from now as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read. The idea is that you won't grow as a person unless you bring new (and hopefully positive) influence into your life. The alternative is to do what most people do - NOTHING. They rarely or never make new friends, seek out mentors, or build into the lives of others. They rarely or never read meaningful and enriching books and articles."

After reading this I want to challenge myself to do a few things:

1. read for fiteen minute every night before bed.

2. read at least one biography a year.

3. at the beginning of each year, choose a topic of interest and spend the next 12 months learning all i can about it.

4. read one book a MONTH. (one of them being "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie)

let's see if i can stick to it.

Annnnd now....a pic I took of my sister yesterday.

If only for a minute.

I seriously cannot get enough of this....my fave is between 1:35-2:30. WATCH IT LOVE IT Thanks Danielle.



"take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like nobody's watching cause they're probably not. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is afterall gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things...down your back like a brook of blessings."

"go to the woods alone and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. go to an unfamiliar city...there are always statues to talk to. Give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute. Might have never happened had you not been there by yourself."

i live in Texas now.

Getting married? Look here.

VIEW MORE HERE

TO BOOK AN ENGAGEMENT OR WEDDING SESSION PLEASE EMAIL ME AT ASKSTEPH@IMSTEPH.COM

In the photos: Bri & Ronnie/Arica & Nate.

Go cry about it why don't you?

Slow dancing in a burning room. How romantic. The imagery that plays in my mind when I hear this song is so detailed. Bare with me for a bit while i let my crazy fairytale brain take the wheel. I see a woman in a red dress with wavy brown hair. Her heels dangling in one hand. A man in a tux. His bow tie undone. They're the only ones left in a gigantic ballroom on a ship. Crystal chandeliers sparkling from the flames. The sprinklers come on as the man sings this song into the woman's ear. (sidenote: the woman's name is probably Collette haha) They hold each other wanting so badly to want each other...this is a familiar song that they've danced to before. They've memorized every line & every step...making eye contact as they whisper the line "can't seem to hold you like I want to..."

So strange that this made up scene plays in my head anytime I hear it. What a horrible song I've thought to myself...what is it about these poor people who seem to so desperately want to make this work that keeps them failing time and time again?

Black Keys- Shot on a 7D.

The Black Keys - Tighten Up - Official Video from Chris Marrs Piliero on Vimeo.

Awesome new video...all shot on a 7D. Take a look and pass it around. I am so intrigued by people who make music videos...editing is so time consuming. I am determined to learn more about it.

2010 is half way over. A picture update.

From Jan 2010- June 2010 i (in no particular order)....

Quit my day job...said goodbye to Hurley & said hello to a life outside of the cubicle...



Went to Europe for the first time (London, Wales, Ireland...) view more HERE






Was thankful for a fun group of friends in Long Beach...



Was once again thankful for a very supportive group of friends who helped me cause a ruckus at the airport over JetBlue stealing my camera. More HERE




Went to New York City to catch up with amazing friends & explore the city. More NYC HERE







Went to Stagecoach...more craziness HERE





Went on a Santa Monica/LA day trip & ate cheese and drank wine:)

Heavier than I remember.

How is it possible to lay in my bed and have all 120 pounds of me feel so heavy?every heart beat is louder than i remember and I count them wondering when the day will come when that muscles decides it's had enough. What will I be feeling? Will I be happy? Will I feel incomplete...will things be left unresolved? Did I forgive? Did I love the little things that day? Did I even pray that day? Did I write that note to my parents so that actually knew the parts of me that kind of just went unnoticed? Did I fight more that day than I loved? All of these questions scattered in my brain make it impossible to get sleep tonight but somehow laying here with only my thumb moving to type these words into my iPhone feels ok. Some say they find out more about me on this blog than by talking to me in person...and to that I say all you have to do is listen more. There's something about coming home at the end of the day/night and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME...sounds like I'm in a dark dark place doesn't it? Emo Steph is coming out to play...and I'm figuring out how complicated and crazy I really am. I'm realizing things....

1. I don't do things people tell me to do. Sometimes I say I will but I think when you do that you secretly have a form of resentment building up. I do things on my own time and the way I feel is best and If I don't it's not genuine.

2. I love to love but I'm forgetting to love the little things in life and that is a dangerous thing.

3. I still believe that fighting under any circumstance can be avoided...but I'm starting to believe that I'm living in a fairlytale.

4. I'm learning to be more realistic and less idealistic and ill be honest...it makes the marrow in my bones feel a little weird. But I'm 27 now...and Santa isn't real.

5. Hiding things about yourself for the sake of other people's happiness is overrated...and after this summer I am done with it. Completely. Why not now? You may ask...well after doing it for 27 years...it's a slow process.

6. Don't over analyze this message, folks. Yes, I said folks...just check yourself...your heart. What have you done today to make someone's life a little more pleasant? BUT sometimes you have to ask yourself...what have I done to make my heart happy today? Goodnight.