sometimes i write. sometimes.

We get one story, you and I, and one story alone.

2012-01-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

“And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.”

Hi friends of mine...near & far. This morning's blog post is simple but it's often those seemingly simple tasks that are the most difficult to do. I would encourage everyone...TELL YOUR STORY. let people get to know you...cry a little. be vulnerable. be real. make a connection. i have a big story to tell and today I am sitting down to tell it...not because it makes me comfortable but because it's the right thing to do. Many of you know that my "story" is all over social media...BUT that is the filtered story of Steph. I have spent years, countless hours and tears writing in these brown journals. Sure, I've kept this blog mostly for those things I am comfortable sharing with you. But who knows...maybe words on these beat up pages will stick to someones heart and make a small difference in how a person is treated. Nothing is more real to someone until it hits home. This is my story. This is my song. Stay tuned.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. -Donald Miller | Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

2011 from Steph's iPhone.

2012-01-01T10:13:00.000-08:00

I appreciate everyone who made 2011 a great year. Ready for 2012♥

You have the power to create happiness...

2011-12-30T11:47:00.000-08:00

You have the power to make life free and beautiful... to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Another year is just around the corner and I am going to make this short & to the point. Let's take the end of 2011 & reflect upon the core of our hearts and answer some big questions (and get ridiculously positive for a minute cause some of us might need it.)

What's your purpose here? What fuels you...what is that driving force that makes you want to wake up in the morning and start your day? What story are you telling? Have you reacted out of spite more than out of love, compassion and understanding? Have you forgiven others? Have you forgiven YOURSELF? Have you been thankful? Have you loved and hugged on people today more than you have fought and bickered with them? Let's search our hearts and throw out the negative we come across. Let's be better versions of ourselves. Let's refocus and let love invade our agendas.

YOU can make things better every day.

Laugh hard & spread the love [and watch this video] HAPPY 2012 FRIENDS!

Ignorance is Bliss.

2011-12-09T06:51:00.001-08:00

Good morning world.This morning I woke up, stretched & the first thing on my mind (besides the song stuck in my head) was Rick Perry. Unfortunate, I know. I woke up thinking about all of the talk circulating around him and his recent ad campaign. That didn't last too long before I started thinking about something more important than Rick Perry...something close to home, and that was all of the others around me that are just as ignorant as Rick.

When I was a kid the word ignorant always had a negative connotation regarding the persons character...basically, I thought it meant they were ridiculously stupid haha. I came to find out it simply just means "Lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated." Hey, I used to be one of those people...and maybe you did too. If you have ever taken something that someone else says at face value before doing your own research on a topic then yep, you're guilty too. It's how we deal and respond to this ignorance that matters.

Rick Perry's hatred towards gay people is really a bigger issue that needs to be addressed on a daily basis and I'll be the first to admit that I think about it all the time BUT I never do anything to help educate people. Now, in that..I am not saying that I am right and you are wrong...I am just urging people to take a different look. Dig deeper. Research with a loving and open heart. Raise your hand if you have looked beyond the few scriptures in the Bible about homosexuality. Have you taken what your pastor says and condemned and belittled many people in the name of Jesus because of it? Have you researched other laws and chosen to JUST follow the one about homosexuality but not the others. Picking & choosing what is convenient for us or what makes us feel most comfortable in our pew is one of our favourite things to do, but in doing that...we isolate a gigantic group of important and loving people and yes, I am one of those people you are isolating. ME. Steph. The same person I have always been...shocked? Yes, so were my parents years ago. I know I am here for a purpose and that purpose above all else is to show & spread love to others. To listen and not judge. To understand that no man is better than the other. To live true. To live a story that will hopefully live on when I die. So friends, let it be known that the purpose of this blog is NOT to get into a heated religious debate with you...that's not gonna happen [but I can't speak for my friends haha]. All I ask is that when you want to shake ignorant people and shake them HARD. Remember, it's our job to love, to make people aware...not to tear them down.

After all...IGNORANCE IS BLISS, RIGHT? [Not knowing something is often more comfortable than knowing it.]

"I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian. And I may not be in the church pew every Sunday, but I do know there is something wrong with our country when a governor of 11 years can openly disgrace the men and women of our armed services who are fighting abroad for our freedom this Christmas."

SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE. <3

The End of Another Year.

2011-12-08T08:51:00.001-08:00

"find life experiences and swallow them whole. travel. meet many people. go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. try everything. exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life." -lawrence k. fish

This morning I made myself some french vanilla coffee. I feel like coffee makes me breathe better...that's when you know you have a problem. I was having some quiet time this morning...reading, zoning, getting lost in my brain and I had a realization. Most people plan and dream of their wedding day their entire lives...they plan birthdays and big graduation celebrations but who really spends time thinking about planning their funeral? Seems pretty morbid.

This all stemmed from a few things...but the main thing was something that my mom mentioned to me this week while I was back home visiting. We were dancing around the kitchen singing to Mariah Carey...she said "sing it Steph!" (She always gets happy when I sing to her). Then she said "I want this song played at my funeral". 2 things I know for certain about my mom: one, she ALWAYS has music playing and two, she wants her death to be a celebration of life. My mom and I think a lot alike when it comes to that. I want my death to bring people together. You know, talking about the good times...slideshows, great music, laughter and of course...hanging white lights. None of this mopey stuff...I mean sure, be sentimental..shed a few tears, hug my family a WHOLE lot but be inspired to live your life to the maximum. If one person who comes to my funeral leaves feeling a little more motivated to make a few more people smile, to give tighter hugs, to actually get out and LIVE life, to find joy in the littlest things and to make some happier memories then my time on earth has been well spent.

I have asked 2 people and 2 people only to speak at my funeral: Grant Theissen & Russ Ronchi. I feel happy with my decision...I love & admire these two men & they have been my mentors throughout the years on different levels.

My moms song: "Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child" by Mariah Carey.
What's your song? What's your story?

Business Socks. Q & A.

2011-10-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Steph Grant is a freelance photographer, painter, drummer, graphic designer from Los Angeles, CA. In 2006, Steph discovered a new-found love for photography on the streets of New York City.

After spending her entire life in CA, she quit her job at Hurley, packed up her camera equipment & set out on an adventure outside of the cubicle. She currently lives in Dallas, TX & owns a wedding photography studio called "TreeHouse Wedding Studio" visit us HERE. Steph travels across the United States shooting weddings & scheduled events & meeting new people. Visit her FACEBOOK PAGE to follow her adventures.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

Q:	Why does your work stand out from others who do what you do?

A:	I handle each one of my images as if it is a piece of art. I genuinely love meeting new people & hearing their stories. I like to think it shows in my work.

Q:	What questions do customers most commonly ask you?

A:	How could you quit a job at one of the best companies ever?! I say because it's more important to me to live outside of the cubicle having human interaction & adventures while doing something you love.

Q:	Do you have a favorite story from your work?

A:	yes, every piece of my work has a fun story. My favourite is my "solo adventure" to new york city. I traveled around the east coast taking pictures and meeting people. I documented the entire thing in a VIDEO and have memories that will stick with me forever or my recent trip to the east coast. Read about it HERE.

Q:	How did you decide to get in your line of work?

A:	I was going to NYC in 2006 for the first time and I bought a nice camera. I took pictures, and somehow Hurley sponsored artshow wanted me to show my work at their Headquarters and in Los Angeles.

Q:	What are your most common types of jobs?

A:	Weddings, families & babies are big on the schedule right now. I also love doing musician photography and headshots.

Q:	Tell us about a recent job you did that you are particularly proud of.

A:	Definitely the 4 day Pakistani Wedding I shot in November 2010 in Dallas, TX. Also, the wedding photography got featured in one of the largest Dallas Wedding blogs. That one will stick out for a very long time.

Q:	Describe your most recent project, what it involved, how much it cost, and how long it took.

A:	Most recently project was flying to NYC for a musician shoot. I followed her around the city in the snow...taking photos for her CD booklet that I was to design. It turned out great and we had so much fun! Also, LOTS of weddings in CA & TX:)

remember when...we went to Mammoth.

2011-10-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

It was New Years Eve 2008. I worked with these talented guys at Hurley. We drove to Mammoth, stayed in a cabin straight out of "that 70's show" and stayed up late playing what I remember to be...a heated game of Mafia. Certain things stick out in my mind from this trip: one of the girls putting the wrong soap in the dishwasher and it flooded the entire kitchen. Staying at Starbucks late getting holiday drinks. Sharing a room with TommyA and laughing, A LOT. Being impressed by how amazing Brynne was at snowboarding. I sure do miss these guys in my life....going into work every morning was the highlight of my day. Thanks for the memories guys<3

Unresolved.

2011-09-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

I picked this song because..

1. I absolutely love the passion behind Tony's voice.
2. I am a sucker for the piano.
3. I love songs that start out with a series of questions.
4. He sings N'SYNC at the end.

Raise your hand if you have ever felt like you left something and had unresolved feelings? Immediately, you think of relationships right? LOVE. I feel like everyone thinks of love first. Your first thought might have been...hmmm, who is this about? What person is Steph relating this to? But really...I encourage you to not think about ME cause you'll never figure me out. Think about you.

Unresolved feelings in relationships/friendships can eat us alive if we allow it to. I do, however, love some unresolved things in life. For example, going to the movies... sitting through the whole thing and the ending does not leave me thinking "oh that makes sense, i totally get it"...instead I leave the movie with crazy brains. I like to make my own ending. Like I've said before my brain is a crazy festival of midgets and spinning rides. Also, I enjoy unresolved music at times...musical dissonance, if you will....but that's about it I suppose. I don't think anyone really cares for the "What If's" in life. Here are some questions...let them marinate in your brain juices. Do human beings ever really let things go completely? What's the best way to deal...Do we resolve things on our own and get over it? Do we push it to the back of our heads and keep ourselves distracted. Everyone deals differently...I know how I deal, how do you?

"Unresolved" - not brought to a conclusion; subject to further thought; an open question.

"What have I done? Where did you go? Was I the one? Guess I'll never know...."

that time i stayed up for 33 hours...

2011-09-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

This night HAD to be documented because I haven't had a night/morning like this in a lonnnng time. I am going to start out this post with a question for you....How often do you take time out of your day to truly get to know someone?

"VV" drinking coffee at 4:30am.

Don't get me wrong...I understand that most of us are too busy to even get to know our own families...we are consumed with work, figuring out our own problems and being robots stuck in the same routine. I quit my job for 2 reasons and two reasons only: 1- to spend my day doing something I love...it is much more rewarding. 2- to make my own schedule so I could get to know people in my life and meet new ones. Well this weekend I cleared my schedule and just went with the flow.

I got ready at 1pm for a wedding I was shooting [TreeHouse Wedding Studio - Dallas, TX] in Weatherford, TX. We got to wear cowboy boots and jeans cause the wedding was in the sticks.

Here's how the night played out after that....

Wedding in Weatherford, TX.

6+ hours of shooting and meeting new people at the wedding.
Changed my shirt & headed out to Fort Worth with some friends to go country dancing.
My friend VV (pictured above) and I were the only ones left over at 2:30am.
We spent close to an hour listening to Taylor Swift & talking about life. It was really the first in depth conversation we've had since we met a year ago. Sad but happens often.
Waffle House at 4am.
5am: Met an old lady named Francis (see old lady head in picture above.) I told VV i was gonna kick myself if I didn't know her story. She was from Portland, Maine & enjoyed breakfast by herself most morning.
6am: impromptu trip to Walmart for grocery shopping? haha
6:30am: our 9th cup of coffee that day on the patio.
7:00am: my first motorcycle ride on the street. The sun was rising. I was scared to death but made it out alive.
8:00am: More coffee & hang out time with Ali.
10:30am: Fuzzy's tacos and acting ridiculous.
11:30am: Random trip to the driving range haha

I calculated the next day that I had my cowboy boots on for 26 hrs straight.

Moral of this story...take time to listen. Take time to be random. Be spontaneous and laugh a lot. Soak up every moment. Make memories. Enjoy your friends...they could be gone tomorrow and you're gonna wish you got to know them better.

Hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart.

2011-09-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

This band from my home town [Young the Giant] is too good not to share. Young the Giant & Lucy Rose...my 2 newest obsessions. I am currently in the TreeHouse burning a hazelnut cream candle & drinking coffee. I am so beyond excited for the Fall. I am also looking forward to "Thursday Paint Day" a weekly activity that I have added to my schedule. Watch for more paintings HERE.

speechless over this music...

2011-09-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

but you know I'll write anyway.

Seriously folks, there are just some nights where I sit in my room with low lighting, my big headphones on & search for new music....until I get THAT feeling. The one that makes me speechless. The one that makes my heart feel like a sack of mush...the music that makes me look forward to tomorrow more than I already did. The one that makes me feel lost but found all at the same time. That feeling that makes me want to hug someone. The feeling that makes me want to be alone...right here in this moment. Where the only thing that matters in life right now is this song. THAT feeling is one word...and I am searching for it.

Truth be told...I have fallin in love with music, with scenery, with feelings, with being alive...it's so easy. SO EASY. Many things in life come natural for me...others, not so much. Every day is a step closer to figuring out the unknown...little by little paint is added to the canvas of my life and soon I will understand & it will be beautiful.

Listen to the feeling behind what she is saying. Get lost in every expression. I want to reach out and grab what she's feeling inside...just once. Goodnight<3

here in this moment...

2011-07-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

i like taking photographs because, for those of you who don't know, they freeze an exact moment in time. i look back at it and can feel everything that was going on in that image. I can remember smells and I get that warm tingly feeling in my heart. Brain snapshots are my favourite...I make them all the time when I don't have my camera around.

I am sitting in my mostly empty apartment...on my pull out couch bed listening to Bon Iver and remembering when I moved here from CA a year ago. It's almost surreal. I think back on how much I have gone through in a year, how much I have learned about myself and how many things I have accomplished. I have survived a year on my own...doing what I love and have met amazing people. Looks like I'm staying in Texas for awhile and I am so excited for a new chapter in my story. Night!

in love.

2011-07-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

i am not even joking. here's the thing...i LOVE bonnie raitt and usually i am not big on covers, but this one makes my heart ache and makes me want to cry for some reason. Probably because it's the morning and I am happy eating a warm blueberry muffin in my studio and drinking a cup of hot Foldgers coffee. Love is a crazy thing...it makes some write happy songs and some write songs that will leave your without your breath for awhile. I like what Adele said when writing her album...one song was about anger and frustration and the next was about giving in and letting her heart really deal with the issue. Music is my escape...music is my life.
<3

remember that one time i...

2011-07-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

summed up 2010 in iPhone photos? [next post...a few photos summing up the first 6 months of 2011] I really can't believe I am packing up my apartment and moving out this month after being in Texas a year.

pretty much explains my life:

words from 2009.

2011-07-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

sometimes i go through my drafts folder in my blog and find words strung together that got lost in the abyss.

mildly exhausted
from tiresome clichés
the only things inside of us
are the words we did not say

Remember that one time i...

2011-07-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

sang Jason Derülo? I havent love ballad-ed in a long time. I should get back on that.

thinking about my house.

2011-07-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

So...in the back of my mind [since that's where I get most of my blog material from anyway] I have been stashing away thoughts of when I own a house and how I will decorate it. I get the most excited when I think of my backyard. When I close my eyes at night I see pictures like the ones above...I see friends sipping wine, dinner parties...soft music, lots of laughter and conversation. It makes me so happy to know that one day I will make this happen. One day when this is actually happening I will sit back and watch from a distance and think of this time when I blogged about it.

Also, I watched 17 Again for the first time tonight and I think it was sweet...what I don't think was sweet was that they picked Chandler to play Zac Efron. Mistake.

One more thing, I am going to start a topic on here called "remember when..." since I haven't blogged consistently in forever. I will catch you up on my life with old stories and photographs. I looked back to 2007 & 2008 and realized sometimes I would post twice in a day. What a loser;)

remember that one time i...

2011-07-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

went to NYC in January 2011 but got stranded in a snow storm in Chicago and knew absolutely no one there and had to stay overnight? I made this video of my trip and the fun people I met along the way. [fun fact: i ended up sleeping in a rad loft overlooking Chicago and that silver egg thing in Millennium Park.]

my new business...yep, I own a business!

2011-06-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

Ladies & Gents please click HERE to visit & hopefully "like" TreeHouse Weddings. We like to take pictures of people in love.

Annnnddd....click HERE to see our most recent wedding in Orange County, CA. XoXo

where have i been?

2011-06-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

ALL OVER THE PLACE. [i'll tell you about that later tho]

This is what I look like drinking a beverage on a Virgin America flight to CA.

Currently, I am sitting at Russ' kitchen table in Huntington Beach, CA getting nerdy...we are working on redesigning my website. Less is more. "Keep it Simple"... It's Vermont's state logo and I love Vermont. I started a new business in Dallas, TX and we photograph weddings world wide. Follow the adventure here.

I am in Orange County for business & pleasure...which really, let's face it...these days are the same. I love what I do. My business partner and I shoot a wedding in San Clemente on Sunday. This is just a post to remind you guys I am still here. Trust, there will be more of Steph in your near future...just sit tight and give someone a hug.

<3

a roadtrip to Cross Plains, TX.

2011-06-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

To check out some truckstops & shoot a lovely wedding in a Baptist church. Click HERE to see more...

SALE on SENIOR PORTRAITS:)

2011-04-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Are you graduating from High School or College? Are you getting married? I would love to meet you and take your photographs. Are you tired of cheesy poses? Looking for someone unique who will work with you and capture your personality? Then choose me STEPH. I will be in Orange County, CA for senior portraits May 17-21 and June 24-28, 2011 I travel anywhere year round and home base is in Dallas, TX!

Visit my facebook page for more fun facts and pictures http://www.facebook.com/imstephdotcom or http://www.facebook.com/imstephdotcom

Timing & Donald Miller.

2011-03-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

I only recommend books every once in awhile. This one...really came into my life at the right time. It's been on my bookshelf for over a year now. One evening in 2009 I was dodging cars in Greenwich Village in New York heading to meet some friends for dinner at Benito One in Little Italy. I was on one of my "solo adventures"...exploring the city all alone. I loved these trips. They were dangerous. They were full of life. They are the ones that seem to stick out in my mind the most. My plan was to eat dinner, have a glass of wine then I was off to see new things. After dinner, I quickly ducked into Barnes & Noble and ran right to this book...I had been wanting to pick it up. I went to a local coffee shop and sat myself down for hours. Reading. When later my friend Andrew, whom I had met on my last trip to the city, met me and he talked about how he was thinking about studying abroad in Buenos Aires. It was only a spark in his eye then. I got back home (California at the time) and got busy. This happened for a reason. I needed that section of the book in November 2009...shortly after that, I quit my 9-5pm job and decided to start something new, to begin a new chapter in my story. Recently, I saw this book on my bookshelf...so much has changed. I am now living alone in Dallas, TX...doing work that I love, away from my family, but meeting amazing people and seeing new places everyday. I read the last half of the book last night and this morning. Over a year later and it's EXACTLY what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. I went back to the city a few months ago and Andrew and I said our goodbyes, we barely caught each other...he was off to Beunos Aires to write more of his story. I admire that in people...it takes courage. I challenge myself daily to live a more meaningful story, and so should you....anyway that you can.

I really suggest getting "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" and reading it. I want to hear your story...I want to discuss this book with someone. I'll be reading it again soon. (click the image to buy)

What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

My photos featured on Dallas Wedding Planner!

2011-02-21T12:16:00.000-08:00

it's been 7 months since I packed up my life & my dog and moved from Orange County to Dallas, TX. I wanted to show you something I am pretty excited about. Over Thanksgiving weekend I was asked to photograph a 4 day Pakistani wedding celebration here in Dallas. Some of my photos from this wedding were featured on the biggest Dallas wedding blog today....take a look and please leave a comment on the blog or on their Facebook page if you feel like it. If you know of anyone getting married I would love to take their pictures (even outside of Texas). You can view more of my portfolio HERE

View featured blog-Dallas Wedding Planner Blog

View more images from Rasul/Husain wedding- Steph's Facebook

<3 you all! Thanks for the continued love & support on my crazy adventures.
Steph

** A big thank you to the photographers who worked with me that weekend Jadrien Esquivel & Jill Broussard. Couldn't have done it without them**

Steph's Wishlist.

2011-02-17T10:13:00.001-08:00

Hi. I will be 28 soon...well in May and I thought I would make a simple wishlist for my bday & Christmas because I always forget when people ask what I want. (click images)

1. My good friend Michelle is ridiculous amounts of creative. I think we should all support her work. Take a gander. These coasters need to be in my apt.

2. I had the pleasure of working with Sean Woolsey at Hurley in Orange County, CA. He is a hilarious human being and one of the most creative individuals I have ever met. Do yourself a favour and look at the things he builds with his bare hands. I would like this lamp.

3. The holga attachment for my camera. Sure it's cheating but I would kick myself if I didn't try it.

4. Cause I just sipped my coffee & it's colder than a witches tit in a brass bra:(

5. So I can sing even louder in the shower.

My tribute to Folger's Coffee.

2011-01-14T19:06:00.000-08:00

I have known the words to every single one of these commercials since i was a wee child....when my addiction to coffee began. They always did have the best commercials. I mean Randy Travis?! Doesn't get any better. Foldgers and black coffee will always remind me of Dad. I remember the first sip I had and also him letting me drive his truck on his lap down our street...yep with a thermos of coffee in the cup holder. Take a look...sing a long:

Cotton candy.

2010-12-28T01:57:00.000-08:00

"Yeah, my brain is a crazy festival....it's either annoying to people and they want to leave or eventually they will figure it out and it can be fun for them. So you can tell me now if you want out of the carnival or I can give you some cotton candy and show you around!" -me

Leave unsaid unspoken.

2010-10-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

Too late, two choices.

To stay or to leave.

Mine was so easy to uncover,

He already left with the other.

So I learned to listen through silence.

Okay folks, let me confront something here that a lot of us do when our hearts feel a bit of aching inside. I think it is interesting but I have caught myself doing the same obvious thing. When something happens in a situation and we can't find ways to express it...we show it in small pieces on social media sites. This just seems silly, doesn't it? We act like we're being sly...or some of us are so obvious it's almost entertaining. Why the heck do we do this? Is it some kind of secret that we hope the other will decode? I choose to write about this because it has come up A LOT in different areas of my life recently. So this post is a giant bowl of mixed feelings about similar situations.

I know why we do it. MEMORIES. We cling on to the idea...the idea that things were great. The "what ifs?" The..."don't you understand what could have beens?!" We beat ourselves up about it until it leaks out in funny ways for all to see. Don't let things from your past interfere with the here and now...hold onto it like that last tight hug. cause when you cast it away...sometimes it's gone for good and you're left, once again, holding onto the "what if's and ideas" instead of the one thing you really desire. Why do you think we do it? I want to hear from those who sit back & laugh at it too...cause I used to be one of you:)

i've spent years writing on this blog, talking in code. For what reason? So people think I don't feel things...that I don't deal. Cause really, i don't deal correctly. I internalize...I act like nothing can phase me. I am trying a different approach now. SLLLLOOOOW process. Take a listen to this song...her voice is powerful and she says "we're peeing puddles of love"...which is awesome.

Honeymoon.

2010-09-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

i LOVE this commercial. Well done Subaru...love your work.

From a book I'm reading...

2010-08-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

"Someone once said that you'll be the same person five years from now as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read. The idea is that you won't grow as a person unless you bring new (and hopefully positive) influence into your life. The alternative is to do what most people do - NOTHING. They rarely or never make new friends, seek out mentors, or build into the lives of others. They rarely or never read meaningful and enriching books and articles."

After reading this I want to challenge myself to do a few things:

1. read for fiteen minute every night before bed.

2. read at least one biography a year.

3. at the beginning of each year, choose a topic of interest and spend the next 12 months learning all i can about it.

4. read one book a MONTH. (one of them being "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie)

let's see if i can stick to it.

Annnnd now....a pic I took of my sister yesterday.

If only for a minute.

2010-08-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot get enough of this....my fave is between 1:35-2:30. WATCH IT LOVE IT Thanks Danielle.

"take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like nobody's watching cause they're probably not. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is afterall gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things...down your back like a brook of blessings."

"go to the woods alone and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. go to an unfamiliar city...there are always statues to talk to. Give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute. Might have never happened had you not been there by yourself."

i live in Texas now.

2010-08-17T21:50:00.001-07:00

Getting married? Look here.

2010-07-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

VIEW MORE HERE

TO BOOK AN ENGAGEMENT OR WEDDING SESSION PLEASE EMAIL ME AT ASKSTEPH@IMSTEPH.COM

In the photos: Bri & Ronnie/Arica & Nate.

Go cry about it why don't you?

2010-07-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

Slow dancing in a burning room. How romantic. The imagery that plays in my mind when I hear this song is so detailed. Bare with me for a bit while i let my crazy fairytale brain take the wheel. I see a woman in a red dress with wavy brown hair. Her heels dangling in one hand. A man in a tux. His bow tie undone. They're the only ones left in a gigantic ballroom on a ship. Crystal chandeliers sparkling from the flames. The sprinklers come on as the man sings this song into the woman's ear. (sidenote: the woman's name is probably Collette haha) They hold each other wanting so badly to want each other...this is a familiar song that they've danced to before. They've memorized every line & every step...making eye contact as they whisper the line "can't seem to hold you like I want to..."

So strange that this made up scene plays in my head anytime I hear it. What a horrible song I've thought to myself...what is it about these poor people who seem to so desperately want to make this work that keeps them failing time and time again?

Black Keys- Shot on a 7D.

2010-06-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Black Keys - Tighten Up - Official Video from Chris Marrs Piliero on Vimeo.

Awesome new video...all shot on a 7D. Take a look and pass it around. I am so intrigued by people who make music videos...editing is so time consuming. I am determined to learn more about it.

2010 is half way over. A picture update.

2010-06-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

From Jan 2010- June 2010 i (in no particular order)....

Quit my day job...said goodbye to Hurley & said hello to a life outside of the cubicle...

Went to Europe for the first time (London, Wales, Ireland...) view more HERE

Was thankful for a fun group of friends in Long Beach...

Was once again thankful for a very supportive group of friends who helped me cause a ruckus at the airport over JetBlue stealing my camera. More HERE

Went to New York City to catch up with amazing friends & explore the city. More NYC HERE

Went to Stagecoach...more craziness HERE

Went on a Santa Monica/LA day trip & ate cheese and drank wine:)

Heavier than I remember.

2010-05-30T00:51:00.001-07:00

How is it possible to lay in my bed and have all 120 pounds of me feel so heavy?every heart beat is louder than i remember and I count them wondering when the day will come when that muscles decides it's had enough. What will I be feeling? Will I be happy? Will I feel incomplete...will things be left unresolved? Did I forgive? Did I love the little things that day? Did I even pray that day? Did I write that note to my parents so that actually knew the parts of me that kind of just went unnoticed? Did I fight more that day than I loved? All of these questions scattered in my brain make it impossible to get sleep tonight but somehow laying here with only my thumb moving to type these words into my iPhone feels ok. Some say they find out more about me on this blog than by talking to me in person...and to that I say all you have to do is listen more. There's something about coming home at the end of the day/night and just laying here in the silence, analyzing ME...sounds like I'm in a dark dark place doesn't it? Emo Steph is coming out to play...and I'm figuring out how complicated and crazy I really am. I'm realizing things....

1. I don't do things people tell me to do. Sometimes I say I will but I think when you do that you secretly have a form of resentment building up. I do things on my own time and the way I feel is best and If I don't it's not genuine.

2. I love to love but I'm forgetting to love the little things in life and that is a dangerous thing.

3. I still believe that fighting under any circumstance can be avoided...but I'm starting to believe that I'm living in a fairlytale.

4. I'm learning to be more realistic and less idealistic and ill be honest...it makes the marrow in my bones feel a little weird. But I'm 27 now...and Santa isn't real.

5. Hiding things about yourself for the sake of other people's happiness is overrated...and after this summer I am done with it. Completely. Why not now? You may ask...well after doing it for 27 years...it's a slow process.

6. Don't over analyze this message, folks. Yes, I said folks...just check yourself...your heart. What have you done today to make someone's life a little more pleasant? BUT sometimes you have to ask yourself...what have I done to make my heart happy today? Goodnight.

2000 pounds of brick.

2010-04-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

"Desire nothing and you will never miss anything you don't have. Love no one and no one will have the power to hurt you by leaving you. Teach yourself not to love life too much and death will hold no terror for you"

This quote hit my heart like 2000 pounds of brick. We've all had our hearts injured by others. We've altered things about ourselves and the way we communicate and approach situations... usually based off of someone else (who probably isn't even around anymore). The easiest way to keep ourselves from experiencing heartache again is to protect our heart at all costs. Defend ourselves. Internalize and hide emotions. Eventually, shutting down. this is damaging in making things healthy in the here and now. Bringing leftovers to a new relationship is a recipe for disaster but it almost seems natural...you discover what you want and what you don't want from past experiences, if that new person doesn't live up to that or makes the same mistakes as someone before they are automatically in trouble because it's familiar to you.

We want them to be the good things from the past and work hard at not being the bad. At what cost?

i think i know the answer.

Brandi Carlile HOB 3/12

2010-03-14T01:43:00.000-08:00

view more here

2010 so far.

2010-02-24T01:16:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it's almost March! This year has been so good....and it's only getting better. Take a look at the adventures I get to go on with my camera. I am so excited and so blessed to be doing what I love. Not only do I get to travel around the world but I get to interview one of my favourite musicians before her show. Sorry for all of the BC posts....it's pretty ridiculous, i know it. I love my friends and my family. I am also very cheesy. I am thankful for cereal. I am SO happy to have met the most amazing person ever and so grateful to have made amends with very important ones too. It warms my little heart so much. i still love maps and moustaches, black coffee and wearing 2 different kinds of socks inside out. Some things just never change. Looking forward to the next 7 months.

that year.

2010-02-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

So....i am sad to say that i think this new music video looks like a bunch of cheap screen savers floating behind a very talented musician. sad sad day. it had so much potential. I mean, there was the opening... which was awesome and the falling leaf...then stupid. deep lyrics ruined by a corny video. the end. what did you think?

What a way to GO! My last days at Hurley.

2010-02-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

THIS MADE ME A LITTLE EXTRA GIDDY TODAY (SEE BELOW). HAHA...I NEED TO START PREPARING. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS FOR BRANDI CARLILE PLEASE POST THEM HERE. THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE AWESOMENESS.

All you need is LOVE?

2010-02-08T16:01:00.000-08:00

Yep...a blog about that mushy love stuff.

Let's get some things out on the table here...from birth-2007 Valentine's Day had always been just another day. The idea of it made me romantical on the insides but it stopped at that...an idea. a fairy tale. Kinda like that wedding day of mine that I really never thought about. The extent of my wedding plans: me being certain that I wanted an evening wedding with hanging white lights. Then I'd move onto something else in my brain. ANYWAY... The last 2 Valentine's Days I have spent with different people...I am ready to spend this day with one person for the rest of my life. Is it ridiculous to think this nowadays? I was beginning to think so but now I am finding hope.

Some people say (I'm thinking specifically of Nicole Kidman singing on the elephant in Moulin Rouge) "ALL YOU NEED IS LOOOOOVE"...

Is this true? I say NO. I have definitely loved before...but it didn't last for one reason or another. So, no...that is false in my case. What does it really take then? To last a lifetime. I have my ideas but I am curious what you think. As for me, I will be spending the weekend in the snow at Lake Arrowhead watching this movie:)

RESIGNATION.

2010-01-29T15:46:00.000-08:00

Well‭, ‬for the 2‭ ‬of you that follow this blog‭.....Sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and go in a different direction. That time is now. ‬I handed in my letter of resignation this week‭. ‬Usually it's‭ ‬hard to quit a job that people refer to as‭ "‬the dream job‭"...‬where I make good money‭, ‬get hookups and meet celebrities‭. ‬I was definitely comfortable‭. ‬BUT come to find out‭, ‬it actually was easier than I thought and I can honestly say I have no fear at this‭ ‬point‭. ‬There are more important things to do with my time on this earth and NOW is the time to do it‭. ‬You have no idea just how‭ ‬excited I am‭. ‬I will keep this short‭...‬but stay tuned for more info‭. ‬If you need a photographer or a website designed‭...‬I'm your girl‭. ‬I have many side projects lined up and I am looking forward to finally turning over a new leaf‭. ‬

‭Last day at Hurley International‭: ‬02.10.10‭.
‭
On the set of SLIDERS TV‭...‬production crew‭.

3 COMMENTS:

corykhill said...
First order of business now that you've quit the business. Come to India and help me design a website. They wont pay you, but it'll be AMAZING!
JANUARY 30, 2010 7:53 AM

bonnie m. said...
and then come to boston and be my roommate.
JANUARY 30, 2010 11:18 PM

steph said...
both sound like amazing offers!! seriously. I am so excited you have no idea<3

Papa's 80th.

2010-01-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went on a roadtrip with my family to visit the entire Grant family in Elk Grove, CA. I sure do miss them. I tried to document a majority of the trip. I am sure they were all getting annoyed with a camera in their faces, but I am sure the video will be with it. Here are a few screen shots from my weekend. Happy bday Papa. I <3 You.

tradition: kicking the bread.

2010-01-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

My family has been going to Spaghetti Factory since I was 5. It's tradition to sneak a loaf of bread out and kick it around for a bit. First video was from 5 years ago. 2nd video we took tonight. My mom decided to tell the waitress that I snuck the bread out and to go out and tell me I couldn't remove the bread from the restaurant. Sad.

kicking bread- 2005.

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video

kicking bread 2010.

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video

twenty-somethings‭.

2010-01-14T16:10:00.000-08:00

"‬People have enough to live‭, ‬but nothing to live for‭; ‬they have the means‭, ‬but no meaning‭.‬‮”‬‭ -‬Robert Fogel

Why are so many twenty-somethings quitting their jobs and hitting the road‭? ‬What are the common threads between us‭? ‬What binds us‭? ‬Is it a hunger for something more than a nine to five‭? ‬Is it the need to hear other peoples‮’‬‭ ‬stories to help us on our own path‭? ‬Are we realizing that security and comfort are merely societal constructs that‭, ‬in truth‭, ‬are holding us back from experiencing the passion of life‭? ‬

And what is the root of our discontent‭? ‬I believe it is a combination of our upbringing into a society that values money‭, ‬power‭,‬‭ ‬and success‭. ‬A society‭, ‬whose definition of success is so out of line with true happiness‭. ‬So what is the answer to our discontent‭? ‬I will take a leap here and say that ONE of the answers is to find fulfillment through helping and serving others‭, ‬rather than being so concerned about our own position in life‭. ‬I believe helping those in need fills us from the inside‭. ‬Are we recognizing the beauty in being laid off‭? ‬Are we realizing that maybe‭ - ‬just maybe‭ - ‬losing our jobs and our money was the best thing that could‮’‬ve ever happened to us‭? ‬

This is our revolution‭. ‬It‮’‬s a quiet and rather somber revolution on the outside‭, ‬but inside our stifling eight by eight cubicles‭, ‬we are screaming‭. ‬We are desperate for something more than what we were taught would make us happy.This is our call to action‭. ‬This is us giving ourselves permission to be free‭, ‬and in turn‭, ‬reconciling all of those who are searching for that same freedom‭. ‬

‭** ‬A BLOG WRITTEN BY MY GOOD FRIEND LAUREN‭ **

COMMENTS‭: ‬1 COMMENTS:

lauren said...
:) So happy for what you are doing and what you will do. <3 <3
JANUARY 31, 2010 5:38 AM

there's gotta be something more.

2010-01-12T09:34:00.000-08:00

Don't tell my work but it's 9:27am and I have done absolutely nothing today except‭:‬

1‭. ‬drink coffee‭ ‬
2‭. ‬eat lowfat blueberry muffin
3‭. ‬read blogs‭ ‬
4‭. ‬have intense conversations on facebook with complete strangers that make me think
5‭. ‬think about the future‭. ‬cultivating relationships/moving/helping others
6‭. ‬research new books‭ (‬by Daniel H‭. ‬Pink‭)‬
7‭. ‬about to pray before a work meeting
8‭. ‬drink more coffee
9‭. ‬zone out‭.‬
10‭. ‬fold a paper airplane

I can't focus because it all seems pointless‭. ‬I am making good money to sit in a cube to make money for a very successful company‭, ‬to gain status‭, ‬to make more money‭, ‬so that I can live comfortably and have nice things for myself‭. ‬When really all I want to‭ ‬do is something completely different‭. ‬hmm‭...‬keep following me‭. ‬Something is going to happen this year‭. ‬Just don't know when yet‭ ‬but It's time‭.‬

‭QUESTION OF THE DAY‭ (‬I can't stop thinking about it‭...‬thanks Matt‭)‬

‭why do you think it is necessary to work in a mode that you are not passionate about in order to attain a lifestyle that you are passionate about‭? -‬Matthew Addington

happy 2nd bday CHEWY!

2010-01-11T13:22:00.001-08:00

Chewy vs. Elephant

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video

Chewy's Fort

ImSteph.com™ | MySpace Video

One of my "MUST DO BEFORE I DIE" things...

2010-01-06T11:19:00.001-08:00

...WILL BE CHECKED OFF THE LIST IN MARCH 2010. What a great way to start out the new year....my first post of 2010. I am a long time fan of yep...you guessed it, Brandi Carlile. I've had this thing where I want to meet her haha. Well, I had this in my inbox when I got to work this morning! I think I will burn a disk of the photos/vid i took at her last show and maybe give them to her. Wow....I am still in shock and blown away. Haha don't have to explain to me who she is...I have been talking to Hurley about getting her in here for over a year! First Mat Kearney....next BC, fingers crossed.

Hope you had a great holiday!!

I'm sending you an album from Brandi Carlile -- she's an INCREDIBLE singer songwriter (think Johnny Cash meets Pasty Cline) who I've worked with since 2004. She just released a new album in October and will be back in the area on tour in March.

I'd love to have you come to her show at House of Blues Anaheim on March 13th. I would be happy to have you and a friend come by and get blown away by her rocking live performance. I’d like to have her do the Hurley.com performance at some point — once you see her you’ll be begging me to get her in!!

Be on the lookout for the album and let me know if you can make it to the show!!

Thanks

Everybody's Fine.

2009-12-22T00:51:00.000-08:00

The trailer doesn't do this movie justice. I used to not cry during movies....that has all changed. Tonight I went with my family to see this movie at the cheap theatre. I had no idea what I was in for. Recently, and by recently I mean several years....I have been struggling with something. I don't care to talk about it with most people but I'll write about it on here because it needs to be outside of me for once. This is really hard for me to write because I feel like no matter what words come out no one will understand what I am trying to get at, but I will try anyway. Talking in code is pretty entertaining and if people took the time...I guess it's not too hard to figure out what I'm talking about. As most of you know I am really good at tip toeing around topics (which makes complete sense now)....I'm starting to get over that and becoming more real by the second.

Basically, the main topics of this movie (and the main things I have been struggling with):
1. truth being hidden from people close to us for other people's happiness.
2. keeping things from people because they can't handle it.
3. not really knowing the people closest to us when they are the ones that should know us best.
4. wanting to take it back and finally get to know someone when it's too late.
5. living in denial & avoiding issues that make us uncomfortable.

Point is... Very few truly know me. my family doesn't even know me. Honestly, they will be shocked when they find this blog when I die. They have known me for almost 27 years and are the people I love most in this life and yet...still, they only know what I tell them or what they choose to hear. As I sat there in the theatre with them...I sunk low into my chair and sobbed quietly. I hoped as they were watching this movie that they would somehow get the message. The message that their daughter wants them to know her. My friend said something interesting to me last night...she said, "parents are mostly there to help us when we fall....maybe they're not supposed to be a part of every step of the journey." That sure made me think. At this point one major thing is coming between us and it is very hard not to hate that thing....I have to understand and I cannot be mad at them. Life is about love....about the people we meet along the way that help shape us into who we are. Life's too short to put up barriers between the ones we love most...no matter how we were raised. Love is more important than an old set of rules any day and if I ever have kids they will be raised to know that. I've learned that avoiding things and living in denial is easier than hearing the truth...and it's also the worst way to live. But hey, they know one thing for sure....steph's always fine.

East Coast SOLO ADVENTURE!

2009-12-21T14:21:00.000-08:00

Last month I decided to go all by myself to the East Coast‭. ‬Baltimore‭, ‬Philly‭, ‬Delaware‭, ‬Connecticut‭, ‬Rhode Island‭, ‬Boston‭ ‬&‭ ‬NYC‭. ‬Needed a vacation‭...‬new scenery mostly‭. ‬About a week before I left I decided I would throw something together in an attempt to‭ ‬test something out‭ (‬which will remain confidential for the time being‭). ‬I wanted to see how many Hurley fans I could find while‭ ‬I was there and I would give them free stuff and interview them‭. ‬Didn't really expect to find many‭. ‬Threw out a line and got a‭ ‬bite‭....‬a big bite‭. ‬Making cupcakes in NYU students apartments at midnight‭, ‬playing drums on Bleecker with new friends‭, ‬having coffee and breakfast with strangers for hours‭. ‬Really‭, ‬this trip goes down in my book as one of the best trips ever‭...‬solo adventures are where it's at‭. ‬I got to hear so many stories that will stick with me forever‭...‬and THAT is what life is all about‭. ‬check out the video I threw together of some of the awesome people I met on my trip‭. ‬One day I hope to do this for good and by the way‭...‬the still shot of my face on this video is amazing haha‭.‬

1 COMMENTS:

corykhill said...
India... Steph should go to India. I'm just sayin.

a blog from 2007. wow.

2009-12-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

It dawned on me today while I was at work that I currently have a mild obsession with Planter's peanuts...lightly salted. I was talking to a group of friends the other day about relationships in general and the LOOOOVE word, and losing love. Me being the Steph that I am, i associate all things love with food. These peanuts were beyond magnificent. Isn't it funny that you forget how much you really love something until you don't have it for awhile...and then suddenly when you have the opportunity to partake in it once again you are reminded of all of the good feelings that run through your body, the sensations of it on your tastebuds...and you fall in love with it all over again. One of the greatest feelings, i'm sure. I speak from experience with a jar of peanuts in my hand.

BUT in talking to friends about their current situations. The underlying question is HOW do you keep from getting tired of these delicious Planter's dry roasted peanuts? You're afraid that in loving these salty treats so much that you will crave them repeatedly, fall in love with them, but then it will die off when it becomes routine, or perhaps when you needs something sweet. Eventually it could just get old or possibly one day you find a more palatable snack. How do you avoid the vicious circle of loving something so much that you crave it on a regular basis, to one day...having the excitement dwindle off? thoughts?

hm. interesting.

PS: i don't think i've had peanuts since 2007...see what i mean?

the turning point‭.

2009-12-06T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is documentation of one girls dream to do something MORE‭. ‬That girl is me‭.‬

We all have those thoughts about that THING‭. ‬That one thing we may never do before we die‭. ‬we write about it and go on brain trips about the‭ "‬what ifs‭" ‬in life surrounding that THING‭. ‬How many of us really take those thoughts and have our way with them‭? ‬Sure‭, ‬some of us quit our jobs in search of a variety of things‭...‬or maybe‭, ‬just maybe in search of absolutely nothing at all‭. ‬just because it feels right‭.‬

I'm Steph‭. ‬I'm 26‭. ‬In those 26‭ ‬years I have lived in 1‭ ‬place‭...‬Orange County‭, ‬CA‭. ‬I am climbing that corporate ladder right now‭ ‬&‭ ‬have been since I was 20‭, ‬why‭? ‬Because it's what we are raised to do‭. ‬go to school‭, ‬get a job‭, ‬take out loans to go to school‭ ‬again‭, ‬marry a man‭ (‬if you're a woman‭), ‬get a better job‭, ‬have kids and raise them to do the same‭. ‬Honestly‭, ‬I skipped out on a‭ ‬majority of those things‭. ‬Mmmmm‭...‬doesn't this sound good‭...‬dripping with success‭, ‬dream job‭, ‬brand new car‭, ‬closets full of clothes‭, ‬a crapload of computer/photography/music equipment‭, ‬living comfortably‭, ‬having enough money to spend frivolously‭, ‬living‭ ‬&‭ ‬working 5‭ ‬minutes from the beach‭, ‬working for a big name surf brand‭...‬maybe even one day that white picket fence‭, ‬yeah‭? ‬Sounds‭ ‬like a pretty dang good life‭. ‬If you don't know me you'd think I was bragging‭. ‬Rest assured‭, ‬I am not‭. ‬I am blessed to be where‭ ‬I am right now‭ ‬&‭ ‬I know I didn't get here on my own‭. ‬People might say by leaving this life behind that I take it for granted‭. ‬I‭ ‬have spent the last 26.5‭ ‬years doing what I was doing for a reason‭...‬to get me right here in this moment‭. ‬The turning point‭.‬

What it really comes down to‭... ‬I am tired‭. ‬Tired of spending my time doing pointless tasks that don't help a single person besides myself‭. ‬And am I really helping myself‭? ‬With that success comes‭...‬long days/nights‭, ‬ridiculous amounts of stress‭, ‬being cramped in a bubble‭, ‬saggy eyes‭, ‬wearing stiff clothes‭, ‬no time for cultivating friendships‭, ‬never leaving the familiar‭, ‬maybe even‭ ‬seeing the same people everyday‭, ‬not having time to do things that make my heart happy‭, ‬working hard to pay the bills just to come home and sleep in the house you pay for‭...‬then wake up and do it all over again‭. ‬FOR YEARS‭. ‬All for what‭? <‬span style‭="‬font-weight:bold‭;">‬TO DIE‭. ‬We work so hard every single day and we don't get to take any of that with us‭. ‬what do we leave here‭ ‬when our bodies are buried under a mound of dirt‭? ‬The memories and love that we shared with others‭. ‬Have we missed the point‭? ‬I‭ ‬think yes‭. ‬Follow me on my journey into the unknown‭....‬and share your stories with me too‭. ‬This could get interesting‭. ‬

2 COMMENTS:

bonnie m. said...
i fucking love this. and you.
DECEMBER 8, 2009 10:24 PM

Steph said...
bonnie!! you made me smile realllll big just now.  miss you large amounts!
DECEMBER 21, 2009 12:06 PM

a bit irritated at this point.

2009-12-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

i am frustrated to the point of tears right now. when i get upset i bite my cheeks and do dishes forcefully (i think i got that from my mom haha). i scrub countertops, organize drum hardware & dust between piano keys. Stuff that I know I can fix immediately. i feel better now. you guys (whomever you are) seriously...life is so short & I am reminded of that everyday I get closer to dying. sounds morbid but really....it's not. Truth is, in 2010 I am moving. Moving away from Orange County...as far away from it as I can get actually. This involves leaving my family after 26 years of either being in the same house or being right across the street from them. Without going into too much detail....i am frustrated for the following reasons:

1. if your family wants to do something (let's say...go on a roadtrip to Seattle over Christmas break) and is excited about it...suck it up, don't be selfish. This could be the last time you spend with them and when you're at their funeral crying and trying to remember all of the good memories... you would give anything to have that time back.

2. people aren't going to do stuff for you your entire life. Be an adult. Grow up. One day people won't cater to you anymore.

3. if you find yourself bored or needing to be entertained on a regular basis assess your life....there are SO many things to do. Find a hobby, figure out what your heart loves...find your passion and hold onto it. Once you find that...things stem from that and eventually you find yourself with too much to do and it's exciting!

4. if i decide to make you a present for christmas and you already bought mine don't say "oh, i wish i would've known that so i didn't spend so much money".....really? we have really missed the point of the holidays if that's our attitude.

5. i have half a mind (okay maybe a little more than half) to quit everything and just go see my family...my extended family. My friends, new friends and meet people....let them know I am thankful for them and love them. am i too sappy? probably. do people read this and think....steph that's not life, you just CAN'T do that...you have responsibilities. you have to make money, get a house...settle down. yeah. watch me.

my dad just called to check on me...:) my family is great. i think frustration with people is good because it forces you to put things in your own life into perspective and make adjustments. okay enough ranting for now. i don't know why i even put this on here. i just had an idea that came from this blog....time to start it.

Monday smiles.

2009-11-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

I LOVE videos that make me smile. There are so many interesting people in the world...meeting people & hearing stories...doesn't get much better than that. the duckduck collective really captures that.

Figs & Ginger from John Carl on Vimeo.

mmmm drums.

2009-11-27T13:38:00.001-08:00

walk away.

2009-11-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

lost in that thought again
focus on the blur
here goes my analytical tangent
scoop me up in your complex words
you make sense but i can't stay
the curse of a life in F 1.8

feast.

2009-11-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

A screenshot of a video i am putting together called "long beach"

morning conversation over the cubicles at Hurley:

"steph, what are you doing for thanksgiving?"
"eating. family. you know...typical."
"you're eating your family for thanksgiving?"
"yeah...family feast."
"i think it'd be fun to eat my entire family for a holiday"
"i think you'd feel bad about it after"
"i'd probably get in trouble"
"yeah, since it's murder and all"

gwenna.

2009-11-20T21:28:00.000-08:00

Time to start having fun with the new camera & lenses.

poison & wine.

2009-11-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

this actually makes my heart ache....the lyrics, the expressions, the emotion, the way it's filmed, the angles, the pain, the fact that they know the other is so close... it is physically hurting them to keep their eyes off of each other. a song about contradictions. struggle. something sweet but something that will kill you. i love everything about this song/video and i can't get enough of it. it's because it makes me think....what is this really about? a couple having a hard time in their relationship...two people that can't be together for whatever reason but the passion is so strong it's almost palpable, or maybe they know it just isn't going to work out but they want it to so badly. the world may never know. i don't have a choice but i still choose you. i don't love you but i always will.

new music November.

2009-11-19T13:48:00.001-08:00

amazing new artists that I have discovered one way or another in my quest for finding new tunes that will rock my innermost core.

Van She
The Civil Wars
Damien Jurado
The Grates
M83
Little Joy
Newton Faulkner
Band of Skulls
Gotye
Girl Talk
Katie Herzig
Tunng
Yeasayer
Bon Iver

that's enough for now. take a listen and tap your feets. i just got back from my east coast solo adventure and oh my sweet sweet heck...if i could write a blog that would capture all of the emotion & excitement, i would. i will try to get it all together and post something.

unbound i go.

2009-10-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

"We went on a road trip for 30 days to 30 cities filming stories of people around America. This film is a compilation and summation of that journey." - duckduckcollective.com

This film was shown in San Francisco on October 17th and NYC on October 22nd.

Short Film - Levi's "Go Forth" from John Carl on Vimeo.

Brandi Carlile @ the Wiltern 10.17.09

2009-10-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I will write something about the show later. I have too much to say & no time to write it. For now, enjoy the video & photos....prints are for sale if you're interested. She leaves me in awe every single time. i took my mom...it was great:)

i have dreams.

2009-10-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

she is phenomenal & blows my brain...i am pretty obsessed and I'm okay with it. Get to see her at the Filmore in LA on Saturday. favourite part is where she is by that giant green face at the end... for obvious reasons.

the fun theory.

2009-10-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

I am in love with the song JUNEBUG by Robert Francis. GO GET IT FOR FREE HERE

east coast solo adventure.

2009-10-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right...it's that time again. For my yearly trip to the big city. This time, just me...and my camera, laptop, & knife. I would like to take my cajon & guitar because I will be meeting up with some musicians in NYC & Boston BUT i only have 2 hands. So here's my plan...first, let me say that no where in the plan am i seeing sleeping arrangements (except Delaware). Hmm, minor detail. This is dangerous my mother said...i said, no it is not. do you not remember me mentioning i have a sharp knife? Okay, anyway...I fly out of orange county on Nov. 7. Fly into Baltimore airport where a good buddy will pick me up. I am staying with her and her family in Middletown, Delaware. We will go to Philly and have a cheesesteak. Her & I will either roadtrip it to NYC or i will take a bus there. I will spend Tuesday- hmm whenever I want in the city. I will get on a bus or train sometime that next weekend & head up to Boston. Where I will play music, drink coffee, meet my best friend's sister & then fly out of Boston on the 17th. Back to the cubicle on the 18th. This is all very exciting to me...best part, my airline ticket cost $10. If I don't make it back...come searching for me, because that means I did not have a big enough weapon or i just didn't feel like heading back.

photographs.

2009-10-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

one of these days I'll have more time for photography. i play when i can.

I'm like the wind in the canyon

2009-10-13T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm there then I'm gone in a second.

hi.

i feel like i should write. i can't sleep.

i'm sure i say this in every blog but it's crazy when you're alone how much you really learn about yourself. you're forced to be stuck with you and ONLY you. i suck as a human...i am not a good person. i have been told this once in my life (not counting myself). it's funny, out of all of the people in 26 years that have said i am a good person only one voice echoes in my head repeatedly...and it's really all that matters. Everytime I get on the fwy at Brookhurst and pass that light with the sticker on it, i cringe and play it in my head. Mostly, because it's true. partially because i am one for torturing myself. So....anyway, when i think SPECIFICALLY i would like to think that i am a pretty good person. but when i think relationships in GENERAL i look over the last 10 years...wow, disaster. big disasters. My life is an experiment in bad decisions in that area & only a handful of people know about this. Repeating history is when it becomes ridiculous...and i have definitely done that as well. I think it takes falling and completely messing up in order to really make changes. We all know that and we have all been there.

i was talking to a close friend of mine awhile back and picking myself apart with her. she said that she figured it out...she figured out why i kept getting myself into these familiar situations. Besides the fact that i am dumb haha. she said "people are drawn to you and away from what they have because of your passion...it ignites something inside of them and makes them realize things are stale. they ache for that intense passion that they remember they once had." ugh, yeah...passion is great and all but this was not a good thing for me to hear, because i LOVE connecting with other people like this. what she said definitely clicked. i have spent 10 years being in situations like this. putting myself there and sometimes finding myself there unexpectedly. now i recognize it clear as day. i know this because things pop up and i am tested...i actually have to shut my eyes tight and think about what is going on because my immediate reaction is to reach out, listen and help. i'm not always the one that needs to help...i'm realizing that sometimes i just can't be that person. like i said, i'm learning.

i have felt in the past like i am constantly having to look out for someone else...and make sure i am making decisions that are right for them, so that they aren't hurt. despite what some people may think i HATE hurting people. Even when I was the one being hurt I was still worried about the person who was hurting me. I kind of just wanted someone to look out for me for once...but i really am starting to believe that in the moment everyone is in it for themselves. All of us. I have been lied to and i have lied. Life is short...we lose people when we lie. we lose people when we put ourselves first....sometimes they come back around, sometimes seconds chances are handed out freely, sometimes you only get one chance. you take away the lessons and the memories and you hope and pray to God that someone was made to love you for the good and the bad.

"i want passion, the kind that tears your stomach out... the kind that takes you to that next level"

Give Up The Ghost.

2009-10-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

ugh i love her & Alison Miller...saw her play with Ani DiFranco. There needs to be more girl drummers in the world.

made me smile while i ate a lean pocket.

2009-09-28T13:08:00.001-07:00

Fearless, Colbie Caillat & an old piano.

2009-09-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Steph goes to Orlando, FL.

2009-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

TO SAY BYE TO JOJO AT LAKE BUTT. HAHA AUGUST 2009.

taking it back to the old school.

2009-09-23T13:06:00.001-07:00

Gypsy Den with the Surfing50States boys.

sometimes i eat lunch at my desk because there's always something to research. Today I ended up going back in time and i stumbled across one of my old blogs. It's crazy...

1. how much I used to write on here

2. how busy and distracted I got.

3. how reading old words put you right back there in that moment in time and you remember EXACTLY what you were referring to.

4. how people that were a huge part of your life just aren't there anymore. Friends part ways, hearts are hurt, relationships damaged...learn something from every person and situation, love large amounts, and don't take anyone or any moment for granted.

If you have time take a gander at this...

the best part of waking up

CURRENT SONG: Even Born Again- Sarah Jaffe

i like this.

2009-09-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
- Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

I read this book back in 2006. I let someone borrow it and i don't remember who...so i bought another copy last week. Funny how you read a book the 2nd time around and it resonates with you on a much deeper level than the 1st. I read it when i first had the itch to get out there and "see the world". So cliché, right? At least that's what i've been told. Pack up my stuff. leave the comfortable. the familiar. meet people. hear their stories. take my camera and guitar and just....you know, hit the road. I have found that this feeling inside of me just won't go away. I can suppress it...sometimes for years at a time and convince myself to be responsible, save money and be adultish...if you will. I've had just about enough. I feel it stirring inside of me...this time it's much more. An intense feeling that I have put aside for too long. We were made for more than a 9-5 job in a tiny cubicle. Ellen said it best...

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." -Ellen D.

i just can't do that anymore. but i'll tell you more about that later.

tasty treats.

2009-09-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

a few of the Songs/Artists/Albums that have made my summer complete.

Bon Iver- Blindsided
Beth Hart- Favorite Things
Eugene & the 1914- Still Around listen
Dar Williams- The Beauty of the Rain
Colbie Caillat- Fearless, Never Told You
Great Lake Swimmers- Pulling on a Line, Moving Pictures Silent Films
Ingrid Michaelson's entire "Everybody" album
Damien Jurado- Denton, TX
Phoenix- Wolfgang Amadeus Phoneix
Meshell Ndegeocello- Beautiful
Tiger Tank Euphoria listen
the Black Keys- Nobody But You
Kings of Leon- I Want You, 4 Kicks
Don't Look Back- Télépopmusik
Little Dragon- Twice
New Radicals- You've got the music in you
Sunny Levine- Love Rhino

foolish behavior @ the holiday inn.

2009-09-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

Surfing 50 States.

2009-09-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

Gotta love my Aussie buds Jonno & Stefan (http://www.surfing50states.com/). Read this interview with them and watch their trailer:) READ THIS

Surfing 50 States Teaser Trailer from Jonno Durrant on Vimeo.

certifiably nuts.

2009-09-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

"I was certifiably nuts. I was crazy in everyone's mind but my own. I knew nothing about Austin, other than it was the capital of Texas. . .I was 22 and had absolutely nothing tying me down. If I didn't move away at that moment, when I had the most energy and the strongest desire, I would be stuck wondering "what if" for the rest of my natural life. I would rather move away and fail miserably than live with that uncertainty hanging over my head for decades. . .It would be good for me to leave the security of my job, my family, and my friends in Nebraska in exchange for total ambiguity and isolation. I would just have to make the leap of faith and trust God to fill in the blanks." -jen austen

desire.

2009-09-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

I can barely sit still.....something is stirring inside of me and it's unlike anything I have ever experienced. it's intense and really good.

"My desire is burning like a million stars and i'll keep reaching out for you. My desire is burning with the fire you sparked."

the cupid shuffle

2009-09-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

things got a little out of hand at Cowboy Country when Tiffy and I started doing high kicks on a week night.

the summer of 2009.

2009-09-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

"i want to change the world but instead i sleep".

i love that quote above. last night i laid on the floor with Lauren...we had so much to say. It was exciting and refreshing to talk to someone who is so hungry and reaching out for more. This entire summer has really blown my mind. I know that God has had His hand on my life...it is so clear to my friends and I, that we have gotten to this point because of something beyond us. Okay follow me here...timing is everything.

August 2006: enter Drew Wall. I meet Drew at one of my artshows. We hit it off. Sadly, we lose touch for nearly 3 years.

November 2006: enter Michelle Bandach. Michelle & I are in an artshow together at Hurley. She is bizarre, we click immediately.

March 2007: enter Tassia Trink. I meet Tassia when she walks into the Human Resources dept at the hospital i worked at. I saw her walk in, gave her paperwork, made her badge and told myself that we would be friends. Invite her to an artshow I am in.

March 2007: enter Lauren Godlove. Her and Tass come to my artshow. I know that I like these new friends but we continue hanging out randomly in groups every once in awhile for the next 2 years.

(2 year period where I disappear from CA and become a Texan)

June 2009: Randomly meet a girl named Gretchen from Kansas/Mississippi who is mutual friends with a lot of my old friends on Facebook. We meet up and hit it off immediately. She is now my best friend. Come to find out she also knows Drew Wall. Drew & I reunite. Gretchen & I go to a party in Long Beach...she meets all of my friends. Over the summer our group has become a very tight knit group...we have spent one on one time with each other and shared our lives.

a lot of things are happening and it is amazing. life thus far has left me in awe and I am so excited for the future. I am doing things differently on a daily basis. it's going to be good.

Pleonexia & tic tac toe

2009-09-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

A word that has echoed in my head for about one month. I tried to shake it off but it was lodged in my brain for good. PLEONEXIA.

"the insatiable desire to have what rightfully belongs to others"

"will pursue its own interests with complete disregard for the rights of others"

"to have a taste of something...and to lust for more."

"never being satisfied"

it's pretty simple. we are all faulty by nature BUT...we know better. Are we ever completely satisfied with where we are at that present moment? Something could always be better...someone could make us happier. There's always something to complain about...something to pick apart and overanalyze until it looks undesireable. We go through this not only in relationships but with everything. I had a job at a hospital....i enjoyed it, i mastered each position I was in, increased my pay and built my resume, but after awhile i dreaded it...i did NOT want to put on a business suit and go to work. i told myself that there HAD to be something better for me...something that fit me. I got the job at Hurley...LOVED IT, dream job. Web content & photography turned into web design. I did that for awhile and took something from it but ultimately decided i didn't want to do that...I didn't like it because it just wasn't "my cup of tea". Social networking is my thing...fun job. Now I sit here and think... I am blessed to have a good paying job that is flexible but is it REALLY my passion? am I ever going to do what I am passionate about? What AM i passionate about? I want to make a differnce and help people without concern for myself and how i'm going to make it in life. At what expense? I get rid of all things comfortable because i want something more. I have been writing about this same thing for 2 years. One day I will do it but seriously... am i always going to want what I don't have?

just some words.

2009-09-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

i read blogs daily...google reader is my buddy. here is a photo i stumbled upon yesterday.

i have been making an effort to get to know the girls in my group & really nurture those friendships. so many friends so little time...but i am trying. Last night we had a dinner party at my place. we sat on my patio with lanterns and sipped on beverages, got locked out on the patio, took pictures, and wrote on old paper. there are times when we have just laid on our backs in silence. On Monday night i had a friend over and i realized the next day she was there for 7 hours and it felt like a couple. We talked about God, love, adventure, how we were raised, and things that are important to us. We played music and watched old videos. Talking to her was so inspiring that i cried several times...i told her this was unusual for me (the robot). All of this to say... I appreciate my friends and everyday I am learning something new. Everyday I try to love more, live true, and make a difference. Good things are happening...i can taste it.

LA is on fire.

2009-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

the view of the hills of LA off of muholland:(

random facts (because it's been awhile):

1. one time i passed out and hit my head on an iron rod...which meant it was time for a cat scan! They said they found a speck in there that didn't seem normal....i told them it was just my brain. (and my dad thinks i don't listen to his jokes haha)

2. if i am sleeping alone my feet push on the footboard of the bed and rock me to sleep. i realize this annoys bed buddies if someone is staying over.

3. i have a spider bite on the BOTTOM of my foot.

4. i have a skateboard under my desk at all times.

5. my favourite travel mug has a name...it is Stanley Aladdin.

cubes are like cages.

2009-09-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

while my body sits in this cubicle my mind lives a very exciting & magical life.

these videos inspire me...take a look:

a night in lynchburg from John Carl on Vimeo.

can't wait for this!

2009-08-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

every little thing about this trailer makes my heart do the happy dance!

from the month of July.

2009-08-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like my entire life is spiraling out of control. tonight i lost someone..but tonight i helped someone out. they got their life back. i feel like all i do is invest in things only to sink low into my worn out seat in the front row to watch them shatter. most of the time it's my own damn fault...but i recall a time where i couldn't breathe and choked back the tears... tears you only cry when you've had your heart demolished. i am sure you know it well. i shake my head with my eyes closed tightly as i wait for that familiar blow to the gut.

i fall fast.
i love hard. before the love is gone.
i hit hard.
i mend slowly. and my heart aches quite terribly.
every step of the way.

i used to say i only trust myself but now even that's getting hard.

you think this is about you. you have no idea.

8/30/09 hmm...i came across this in my old journal. no matter how many mistakes i have made over the years...i know that i was loving, living and learning. life is good...it takes us by surprise.

catch up & fries with Steph.

2009-08-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

"i've been friends with steph for years and i don't really know her that well..."

i thrive off of the group settings rather than the one on one stuff. Always have. Why am I like this? Easy. if I am in a one on one situation with another person they are more than likely going to get to know me...although I usually do my best to avoid talking about myself. I have a way of steering the conversation towards them without them even knowing it...people LOVE talking about themselves so it's not that difficult. on occasion i find a few friends who do want to get to know the softer side of steph and it takes awhile for me to warm up. That whole talking about myself, my past, my future and eventually my heart...i'm still getting used to it. Groups are safe. it seems that i only allow certain people in but what makes those people special? i doubt i'll ever know. There are very few i have found in my life that right off the bat i have had a strong connection with and they have a hard time shutting me up. Those people intruige me...because there's something about them that draws me in and brings something out in me...i can't get enough of it. i don't let just anyone ride my scooter.

baby hippo reunites with mother haha

2009-08-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

perfect for a night like tonight. god is love.

when my insides do flips.

2009-08-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

"Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul and then walks grinning in the funeral." -Kahlil Gibran

i would expand with my own thoughts and feelings but there is no need. this has started a fire in my soul. ouch.

i have a lot to say.

2009-08-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

just not enough time to say it all. one day i will pour out my heart on here. until then...mat kearney is making my day. thanks g love.

the world is too big to never ask why
the answers don’t fall straight out of the sky
i’m fighting to live and feel alive
but i can’t feel a thing without you by my side
send me out a lifeline

you’re watching everyone you ever belonged to
walk away from you
maybe all along you’ve been running from the truth

there’s nothing i would change, i’d give it all away
for you again and again and over again

makes steph happy.

2009-08-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

my work is fun.

2009-07-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

what i did all week/weekend at work. the Hurley US Open of Surfing. tom did an awesome job on this video!

HURLEY U.S. OPEN SURF INTRO from Tom Aiello on Vimeo.

Rosie and I with baby carrots in our hands.

Kelly Slater was incredible but our boy Brett took home the $100K

125,000K people on Saturday...best crowd in all US Open history

STEPH & KJ SING KARAOKE...

2009-07-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

commentary by: Gretchen & Tass T (or Tasty)

felt this one in the marrow...

2009-07-09T10:45:00.001-07:00

kandk1 12 @ Yahoo! Video

Already you see I have escaped from you.

2009-07-08T23:25:00.001-07:00

a friend i recently met found her copy of leaves of grass in storage and began reading it again...as did i. after staring at the computer screen for hours and hours it's good to stare at something else for a change. this was soothing.

Whoever you are holding me now in hand,
Without one thing all will be useless,
I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,
I am not what you supposed, but far different.

Who is he that would become my follower?
Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?

The way is suspicious, the result uncertain, perhaps destructive,
You would have to give up all else, I alone would expect to be your
sole and exclusive standard,
Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
The whole past theory of your life and all conformity to the lives
around you would have to be abandon'd,
Therefore release me now before troubling yourself any further, let
go your hand from my shoulders,
Put me down and depart on your way.

Or else by stealth in some wood for trial,
Or back of a rock in the open air,
(For in any roof'd room of a house I emerge not, nor in company,
And in libraries I lie as one dumb, a gawk, or unborn, or dead,)
But just possibly with you on a high hill, first watching lest any
person for miles around approach unawares,
Or possibly with you sailing at sea, or on the beach of the sea or
some quiet island,
Here to put your lips upon mine I permit you,
With the comrade's long-dwelling kiss or the new husband's kiss,
For I am the new husband and I am the comrade.

Or if you will, thrusting me beneath your clothing,
Where I may feel the throbs of your heart or rest upon your hip,
Carry me when you go forth over land or sea;
For thus merely touching you is enough, is best,
And thus touching you would I silently sleep and be carried eternally.

But these leaves conning you con at peril,
For these leaves and me you will not understand,
They will elude you at first and still more afterward, I will
certainly elude you.
Even while you should think you had unquestionably caught me, behold!
Already you see I have escaped from you.

For it is not for what I have put into it that I have written this book,
Nor is it by reading it you will acquire it,
Nor do those know me best who admire me and vauntingly praise me,
Nor will the candidates for my love (unless at most a very few)
prove victorious,
Nor will my poems do good only, they will do just as much evil,
perhaps more,
For all is useless without that which you may guess at many times
and not hit, that which I hinted at;
Therefore release me and depart on your way.

Cowboy Country

2009-07-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

I couldn't stop smiling the entire time...it started when we pulled up to this dancehall in a giant BARN in LONG BEACH! 2 stories, 4 dancefloors, live bands, pool tables, western shop, shoe shining...really?! in CA? I don't know if it's because my dad wore a cowboy hat and snakeskin boots a majority of my life, or because all we listened to was country music growing up...but somehow it stuck with me. I love this kind of stuff, and it made me miss TX....but I kinda felt like I was there. I've never seen that many line dances and cowboy hats in southern ca. What a great night!

raindrops & glowsticks....

2009-07-03T15:03:00.001-07:00

okay, so maybe i am easily entertained...but i love this.

October 2008.

2009-07-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

found this one hiding in the drafts folder of my blog.

I swear everytime my mom made potatoes the lid ended up falling off because they boiled over and bubbles pushed their way out the top and spilled over the side. When i was a child I rememer each and every time having to yell "mom the potatoes!! Hurry they're getting bigger!!" I guess she never knew exactly when it would happen and it always came as a surprise to both of us eventhough it happened everytime.

The other night I started talking about a situation that I am very passionate about. I could not contain my gigantic smile no matter how hard I tried....it was unstoppable. I love that...when feelings deep down in the core of your bone marrow are so true and genuine, you cannot help it...you just burst at the seams.

wow. i am a cheeseball.